Whilst Hoyland was banging in six goals for Logica against Wandsworth Town to equal Sidaway's eight year old record, the loss of another long-held Lags record was (hopefully) overlooked. In eleven years playing for Logica, Mark Abbott had a 100% record from the penalty spot. And he's taken a few in his time. So many, in fact, that a whole armada of historians are currently trawling through the record books, abaci at their sides.

So what happened this time? "I felt confident before the kick," confided the ex-spot-on spot wonder. "My run-up was not noticeably different. As usual, I was able to send the keeper the wrong way. I felt I'd hit the ball as crisply as usual. But for some reason it sliced off wildly high and to the right", finally ending up in the allotments behind the goal. "I just couldn't understand it."

Despite a publicity crazed Yuri Geller trying to claim credit for the strange dead-ball dynamics, as well as some senile old fool rambling on about something called 'The Football Gods', Abbott is convinced that his new boots were to blame. "Obviously it's the new boots, Brian" explained the traumatised twelve-yard man. "Obviously it's yer old chemical reaction between the black dye compound and a spanking brand new yellow leather, resulting in an extremely sheeny boot surface that even top world class footballers would have had difficulty in controlling." It transpires that Abbott had purchased a pair of yellow boots, because they were on sale at a knock-down Tier Two price. Ever the traditionalist he decided to dye them black. With tragic consequences it now seems.

Despite the obvious psychological damage that this event has caused, Mr Abbott is trying to get through this difficult period with the aid of his Cliché Counsellor. "I've come to terms with it now," he concluded. "The main thing is that the team won and picked up three points. Yes, that's it, as long as the team wins, it's not important who scores the goals," he added, beginning to sound more like his old self.