It cannot be disputed that your modern footballer is a celebrity. Gone are the days of opening the local Garden Fete. Now the likes of David Beckham and Tony Adams are just as likely to be seen on the front pages as the back. The weekly schedule of your average 90's pro has more to do with TV Commercials, Fashion Shoots, and Newspaper Columns than anything as mundane as training. And quite right too!

And Logica FC are no different. Their recent run of sustained success that saw them sitting proudly astride the Wandsworth & District Sportsman's Sunday Football League Division Two for a fortnight, has brought with it a deluge of clamouring TV executives, desperate to get the latest celebrity footballers onto their channels before the oppo nips in.

SAX APPEAL
First up was Logica's very-own midfield pace-maker Stevey Lambert, who was seen displaying that well-known winning mentality on ITV's classic 'Catchphrase' programme (broadcast on October 23*). As usual Lambert had difficulty recognising the net, although his suggestion of "caught in a sieve" was not far wide of the mark. As ever, the midfield maestro was modest about his achievement. "I did it so long ago (some 14 months), that there's not much I remember in great detail. All I do remember is buying a new saxophone with most of the winnings."

BROWN-NOSING WITH BEIGE
Lenny Beige is the hip, happening comedian who is the current talk of the show-biz world. Until recently his occasional London shows would trigger a gaggle of internationally famous celebrities to queue twice around the block just to be seen in his audience. Now Mr Beige has succumbed to the lure of TV stardom, and how better to launch his new series on the BBC Choice digital channel than by sprinkling a few top footballing celebrities amongst the sparkling array of glitterati in the crowd?

Consequently, when the show goes out, settle back in your settee, consult your 'I-Spy Book of Legends' and see how many points you can rack up!!! Sat prominently amidst such show-biz Tier One luminaries as Gail Porter, Keith Flint, Chas and Dave and that girl off of Coronation Street and Holby Central, you will not fail to miss current Logica starlet Reevaldo and a number of legends from yesteryear, Simon Chown, Malcolm Dick and Keith Sidaway.

MAN AT C&A
And the boy Beige was not slow to exploit this opportunity to boost the ratings. At one point in the show, the comedic host rushes over to a young lady sat next to Reevaldo, and says "I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you for making an effort this evening." Lenny kisses her hand, and then notices Reevaldo sitting next to her in classic 1970's footballers garb, which comprised an unironed, button-down shirt and C&A tie. Lenny addresses the Walsall Wizard: "But YOU - you look like you have come straight from the office, and you REEK OF THE FILING CLERK!" Cue finger pointing and derisive laughter from the rest of the audience.

This is all good fun, of course, but some footballers take their screen appearances a little more seriously. In recent years Eric Cantona and Vinny Jones have pioneered post-playing careers in the world of serious acting, and have shown that there is more to do in retirement than run a pub. Logica goal-ace Mark Abbott seems destined to follow in their dextrous footsteps, as his screen debut forms the crux of the BBC's Autumn drama schedule.

SALMON
Abbott appears in an eight-part drama called 'Warriors', which starts shortly on prime-time BBC1. Indeed Peter Salmon (Controller of BBC1) in his recent speech unveiling BBC's new Autumn Schedule, described the show as "a poignant, hard-hitting drama based on the experiences of British soldiers serving in Bosnia, and how they become involved, physically and emotionally, in the horror of someone else's war." Salmon added that "it is an important and timely story."

POACHER
It gave Abbott his first opportunity of working with award-winning director Peter Kosminsky, responsible for the critically acclaimed "Shoot to Kill". Abbott was suitably modest about his first major part. "Yes, it was a fantastic learning-experience to work with Peter, but I have to say that there were other actors in the drama who had slightly more important roles than myself. But I was pleased with my first performance." The Logica poacher was reticent to spoil the plot for millions of viewers, and would only allude to his role as requiring "... the full repertoire of emotions, although tearful disappointment, anger and undisguised incredulity were perhaps to the forefront".

Rumours that during shooting Abbott was given his cue but missed it, are simply not true.

* With immense gratitude to the "If Selected..."" reader (who would only identify himself as 'Johninho') for spotting this unheralded appearance as he settled down for his regular Saturday evening dose of Catchphrase.