Despite having both feet firmly planted in the Pup camp, Simon Groom is very much of the old school when it comes to Logica Football Club. Many a legendary Lag's first day at work was spent getting in touch with the Supremo of the day to find out whether, by any chance, the football team might be short of a player for the following Sunday (the answer was usually "Yes!").
But Groom went one better by planning his football career before he'd even accepted an offer from Logica. When asked what was the biggest influencing factor in him joining Logica straight from University, Groom replies immediately that "it was the prospect of the Logica Football World Cup". Apparently a certain Mr Fleming did rather a good sales job on the starry-eyed graduate.
Such enthusiasm rarely goes unnoticed in a club such as Logica, and already Groom is being tipped for greatness. The man from Norwich has been playing for less than a year, but has already impressed the upper echelons with a whole host of characteristics much valued by any amateur football Supremo. Not least amongst these was the fact that Groom possessed his own pair of goalkeeping gloves, and was not afraid to use them. Another feature that underlines the youngster's immense potential, is his reliability in turning up every Sunday morning despite the worst hangover you have ever seen.
As well as these fine footballing qualities, Groom has also shown similar enthusiasm and aptitude off the field. At the start of this season, Groom, along with Neil Burdett, agreed to attend the inaugural League meeting to sort out the fixtures, and both did an excellent job. This week, as Fleming booked himself into The Stress Therapy Clinic for Over-Burdened Supremos, young Groom was once again on hand to help out and organise the team prior to Sunday's big game against Chelsea.
Tempted by this brief but glamorous appearance in the administrative spotlight, Groom is not content to rest on his laurels, and he has already volunteered his services as the next World Cup Dictator. Whilst Abbott has done an adequate job in recent years organising the English assault on Logica's premier international footballing trophy, many felt that the writing was on the wall when he failed to organise a single open bar for the last-night celebrations in Milan last year.
Luckily for both Pups and Lags, Groom has declared his willingness to step into the breach and he will organise both teams' trip to Manchester for Logica World Cup 2000. Groom will be contacting you all shortly to assess availability, before selecting two crack squads in traditional dictatorial fashion. "If Selected... " will bring you our first World Cup Bulletin next week, and will keep you abreast thereafter of further developments. We will of course be making our unrivalled publicity machine available for Groom to use as he sees fit, so stay tuned.
Don't be surprised, however, if Groom's e-mail 'font' is a little shaky, for he has a big event coming up next month, and the young lad is understandably nervous. It all started last June in Milan. Groom celebrated his birthday during the 1999 World Cup, and as a present the Pups clubbed together the five lira required to buy him a one-to-one with the local fortune-teller, Mystico Meggio. None of this 'tall-handsome-stranger' bollocks for the Mediterranean ball-peering fraternity mind. After predicting a long life for our hero (despite the stark contradictory evidence staring her in the face), La Signora Meggio came straight to the point as she fore-saw "a significant and exciting sexual encounter in March of next year" for young Groom.
Well, the eager Pup has been on a strict training programme ever since, and the anticipated big night is due shortly. As one would expect of a leading global media conglomerate, "If Selected... " moved with uncharacteristic haste and secured the exclusive Promotion and Film rights for this classic encounter. Arrangements for ticket sales will be announced shortly on the web-site, and the video will be on sale within hours of the final whistle. Groom has also signed an exclusive contract with "If Selected... " to provide his own personal 'kiss-and-tell account of the 'big match'. Don't miss it!