The great and the good of Logica Football Club turned out in their tens in central London on Saturday 16th July to celebrate a remarkable milestone. The religious Sunday gathering of eleven (more or less) hungover footballers outside various metropolitan railway and tube stations has now been going on uninterrupted for twenty five years.
That's a quarter of a century, no less, and seemed like a good excuse to pop the champagne corks. Consequently an exhibition match was organised involving famous players from every era of the club's long and glorious history. In the evening a swanky Jubilee Dinner was arranged where players and supporters could mingle and continue the celebrations in somewhat more relaxed fashion, at the same time being entertained by various speakers and multi-media presentations charting various aspects of the club's evolution.
The Exhibition Match centred around two Supremi from opposite chronological ends of the Club's existence who have more in common than they probably care to admit. For novelty value, and in an attempt to give the gaffers some rare respite, players were invited to pitch their selection case for inclusion to the Supremo of their choice.
was the first Logica Supremo in the modern sense. Appointed in 1984, he took the club from leisurely Sunday afternoon kick-abouts in Regents Park, to the trophy collecting machine it had become on his retirement five years later at a pinnacle of the Sunday morning alehouse pyramid. was to supervise a Legends XI.
was the current donner of the logical sheepskin. He too had proved himself an ace footballing pilot, just managing to pull the team out of a freefall dive before it hit rock bottom, and returning the club to a safe altitude once more. was to manage an All Stars XI.
Whilst one gaffer was young enough to be the other's son (albeit illegally), both shared jointly the record for Logica longevity - five whole seasons at the helm of that good ship. Both had been forwards in their younger days before sacrificing personal glory to do a job in the back four, and perhaps as a direct result both based their success on high-tempo attacking football. Both were happy to let their charges express themselves as they saw fit, and perhaps as a direct result both were very much members of the 40-tabs-a-match school of football management. But now they would pit their tactical wits against one another.
Although this day of celebration had taken nearly a year to organise, it was without doubt a fitting tribute to the preceding 25 years that, come the appointed kick-off time, neither team had assembled the full quota of eleven players, whilst the kit and referee were also conspicuous by their absence. Traffic jams, broken down jalopies, hangovers, runny noses, misread kick-off times - a quarter of a century of feeble excuses were all well represented.
However, as always seems to be the way, everything came together at the last minute, and after some gratuitous photo-opportunities had been exploited in the blistering midday sunshine, 22 of the finest footballers ever to grace the grey, black and white, jade, red and black, and yellow shirts of the Logica club lined up at opposite ends of the famous old Battersea Astrodome Stadium. And after a minute's silence in remembrance of those killed and injured in the recent London bomb-blasts, World Cup referee Erik van Vliet from Holland set the game in motion.
The first half of the Exhibition Match was hard-fought and about even on balance of play. The Legends started strongly, with firing in three long range efforts of varying types (lob, curly thing, pile-driver) which all boasted one common factor - a quite astonishing lack of accuracy. danced inside from the left to fire a low shot just the wrong side of the near post, before the All Stars took the lead against the run of play. Uncharacteristically casual in bringing the ball out from the back, was robbed by the ever-alert , who glided past one more defender before side-footing calmly past an exposed [All Stars 1-0 Legends].
Now it was the All Stars turn to turn up the heat, and for a period the Legends were penned back in their own half. The build-up play was neat and incisive as and began to get stretched (if such a state can be imagined for the already Crouch-like Fulham man), but few clear-cut chances resulted as the legendary back four just about held firm for the most part. Once again it was the struggling side which cut loose to score, with the Legends employing some quick thinking at a free kick. Whilst the All Stars complained at the decision, fed out left who repeated his earlier move, shimmying this way and that, before a decisive cut inside was crowned with an unstoppable low drive just inside the near post [1-1].
All Star keeper 's game attempt to make the save only aggravated his long-standing shoulder injury (initially suffered trying to carry an over-laden plate), and he was forced to move outfield. Once again another 25 year club tradition was brought to bear as ended up donning the gloves in the absence of any other volunteers.
The goal pepped the Legends up again. had a venomous shot turned around the post by an alert after the Legendary number nine had been precisely played clear by . As the interval approached, the old men instigated a flowing move from deep in their own half. The ball was finally slipped to just over half way, who advanced with menace. (right) and (middle) provided distracting runs, leaving the Epsom impresario free to slip a killer pass to the unmarked loitering on the left. There was still plenty to do, but the Scotsman took one touch before flighting a perfect lob over a helpless which arced just inside the angle of cross-bar and far post - a sublime finish from a veritable Legend! [1-2]
The pendulum swung once more at the start of the second half as the All Stars stepped up a gear. Convinced that their ageing adversaries would soon tire in the blistering midday heat, they sought to grab the game by the neck via a period of concerted pressure. Having come close on a number of occasions as the Legends rode their luck, the youngsters finally drew level. arrowed in a dangerous corner, and met it at full gallop slap-bang in the middle of his forehead just six yards out. Somehow in the Legends' goal managed to parry the shot, but was in for the kill, and rammed home the rebound from close range [2-2].
The All Stars, as befitted their stellar talent, were very much in the ascendancy at this point and their opponents looked like they might just wilt. But this was a time for Legends to do what Legends do best - be legendary. And the number one Legend decided to inspire by example, pulling off a number of age-defyingly dexterous saves to maintain parity. First with clean through, one on one, bravely blocked the ball at the marauding defenders feet. Next up, he pulled a full-length reflex save out of the bag marked "Parking the Bus" when an unmarked elegantly tried to side-foot a half-volley just inside the back stick. And just minutes later, another magnificent block from point-blank range was rewarded when a Legendary defender somehow blocked the follow-up effort over the bar.
Duly inspired, the Legends began to play a bit, and the turning point came with the next goal. The left flank again proved fruitful, as left-back glided forward in support of a patient attack. Having advanced a few paces, he swung in a superb cross, arced lethally behind the last line and curling away from the keeper. rose salmonically to glance a header towards the far post, but somehow got a hand to the ball. A split-second reprieve, for it was who was first to the loose ball, sliding it home to restore the Legends' lead [2-3].
The Legends embarked on a purple patch, and added two further goals in quick time. Again some slick passing opened up the All Stars, and was left to advance on the last defender. Once more a myriad of options opened up in front of him with left and right. Wisely, it was the latter whom plumped for, and crashed home a blistering shot from the edge of the box [2-4].
was now pulling the strings - either his new Supremo had solved an age-old psychological enigma, or, with Seņor and Seņora Reevaldo pacing the touchline, the ageing hole merchant was in fear of being sent to his room if he didn't perform. Minutes later, another neat build-up found him on the left. A quick look up was sufficient to spy drifting in unnoticed at the back stick, and the Walsall Wizard immediately clipped a superb pass over those in between as if his right leg was in fact Tiger Woods' nine iron. But was able to trump even that, by taking the pass first time on the volley and crashing it just inside the right-hand post from 15 yards [2-5]. It was a goal of such sublime beauty that at least four Legends immediately declared undying love to it.
Although only ten minutes remained, the All Stars, to their credit, did not give up. was pushed forward in a desperate attempt to save the day, and his pace and skill certainly added extra threat. He had already chipped one good effort over the bar when a fine pass played him clear once more for a one-on-one against . Again the Legendary keeper blocked the effort, and from the rebound prevaricated a little too long. Finally the ball was moved to the right, and a cross speared low into the box was neatly tucked away by at the far post, amidst much hullabaloo and claims for offside and a penalty [3-5].
This late goal might have found the Legends playing for time, but not a bit of it. Instead as the All Stars threw numbers forward in a bid to pull two more back, the Legends responded with some lethal counter-attacking that yielded three further goals in the last ten minutes. Another quick free-kick found the All Stars dawdling, and the excellent and industrious chipped the dead-ball to , unmarked out left. The striker advanced purposefully into the box before squaring the ball tantalisingly past . was left with the simple task of side-footing past the trembling from 6 yards, a job he executed without mercy [3-6].
found more space out on the left, and shortly was picking him out with a raking 60-yard pass of Gerrard-esque accuracy from right-back. Controlling the ball on the bye-line, the forward chipped in a near-perfect cross which just managed to get a finger-tip to, but readjusted sharply to neatly head home at the back stick [3-7]. With the final whistle poised near to van Vliet's lips, intercepted a poor pass just inside the All Star half, and advanced on the last defender. Dropping his right shoulder in classic Matthews fashion, said defender was sent involuntarily the wrong way, and elegantly eased the other way. With the heat finally taking its toll, just couldn't be bothered to bear down on the keeper, so instead, with a deadly swing of the left boot, he just whipped the ball into the bottom corner from 20 yards with left helpless [3-8].
TEAMS:
Legends XI (4-4-2) - ; , , , ; , , , ; , .
All Stars XI (4-4-2) - ; , , , ; , , , ; , .
Referee: Mr E. van Vliet (Holland).
Scorers: Legends - , (2), , (2), (2). All Stars - , , .
The crowds quickly adjourned to The Victoria, a splendid establishment that had laid on a free buffet for players and supporters alike. After much post-match analysis and associated blather, is was up to the West End, battling through the hoards of paparazzi massed outside Signor Zilli's famous restaurant for the Jubilee Dinner, where a special menu created by the good Signor himself awaited them. All, that is, except two-goal hero , who was off to a Sales Conference.
As a reverent hush descended on the hungry diners, Master of Ceremonies rose to address this most special of audiences. We were all here, he reiterated, to celebrate a quite remarkable achievement. Not only had a football club survived for one quarter of a century, but it had positively flourished and established a unique style and identity all its own, and the vast array of players of all generations present this evening was clear testimony to that feat. After a myriad of toasts to various achievements of both club and members, outlined the programme for the evening which boasted a hugely entertaining mix of speakers and multi-media presentations reflecting diverse angles of the club's 25 years.
First to stand was the current Supremo of Logica Football Club, . He delivered a fascinating and very amusing insight into the thankless task of gaffership. Cleverly taking each letter of the word 'SUPREMO', revealed just some of the diverse range of attributes required to lead such a tightly-knit group of incompetents - from the starting point of Sucker, through dealing with Prima Donnas, to the basic necessity for good Organisation.
[You can view a brief video-clip of the eloquent Mr Groom, but you'll need QuickTime to do so. Download Quicktime from here. Click here to launch some Supreme action. ].Next up was , currently majoring in the Department of Footballer Evolutionary Studies at the University of Raynes Park. His seminar summarised the progression of his scientific studies, and the results of a number of experiments he has conducted aimed at evolving the perfect Sunday morning footballer. The eminent scholar cited a series of failed trials, highlighting some of the mistakes he had made en route, although it was clear that the finely observed detailed data he had collected in the process would provide valuable learning material in the future. The audience was enthralled, and all were agreed that 's contribution to the evening's entertainment was both instructional and highly entertaining.
As the desert tray was wheeled out, Legendary Supremo rose to add a few bon môts on the subject of the evening. He was, he said, surprised and impressed in equal measure that the impertinent youngster he had nursed through its infancy had grown into the fine, strapping big club that he saw before him today. After had paid due respect to the numerous retirements of the Master of Ceremonies, control was handed back to the latter who presented the club's finest celluloid triumph - Reservoir Lags. Unfortunately due to some technical difficulties in the projection room, was forced to lift the laptop trophy-style so that the audience could enjoy Harry H. Wombat's cinematic masterpiece.
As the midnight chimes approached and the carriages assembled outside, there was just time for the evening's finale as the Master of Ceremonies opened the newly built Logica Football Club Hall of Fame. Three players had been careful selected by an expert panel as the inaugural inhabitants: , for his innumerable years, not to mention this humble website; , an outstanding defender of some eleven seasons who is the current double Footballer of the Year; and , a brilliant footballer since his debut in 1984, who is the reigning Footballer of the Millennium.
With that, the curtain was brought down on a quite splendid celebration of Logica Football Club's first twenty five years. As the players, old and young alike, drifted off into the sultry London night, a number were heard pledging to return for the Golden Jubilee scheduled for 2030. And whilst few would bet against that, some of them may still even be playing!