FOOTBALLING
CV

PERSONAL DETAILS

Date of Birth: 10th May 1966.
Religion: Various deities: Shiva of the shimmy; Buddha of the back-heel; Dionysus of the drag-back; Loki of the lollipop; Rastafari of the reverse-lollipop; Mungu of the mazy run; Our Father of over-elaboration. To name just a few.
Height: Head and shoulders above.
Weight: Perfectly into the path of the run.

QUALIFICATIONS

Preferred Playing Position: In The Hole. Other Position: In the Hole.
Playing Strengths: Leaving the tracking back, tackling, and general defensive duties to better-qualified colleagues.
Playing Weaknesses: Allowing Abbott to negotiate my contract.

EXPERIENCE

Logica FC Debut: A friendly on an obscure astro pitch in northwest London in 1996. I played for 90 seconds in central defence after coming on for M. Dick. True story. Competitively (sic) : 19th September 1999: St.Augustines 2-2 Logica. [Once again as sub, although the lad Reevaldo did come on and immediately jive past three defenders to create the equaliser for Fazel. Ed]
Previous Teams: Too many to list. None of them fully appreciated my talents.
Greatest Footballing Moment: St Mary of the Angels Primary School. 1976. Six-a-side Cup Final. Revs Wreckers 5, Mitch's Marvels 4 (a.e.t).
Worst Footballing Moment: Relegation to the University second team for "watching the game on the neighbouring pitch" rather than the game in which I was playing.

INTEREST

Model Pro (Models His Game on You): "Stroller" Bowles-Currie-Worthington-Hudson-Gascoigne-Marsh-Nicholas. Every inch the team player.
Favourite All-Time Player: Cross between Pele, Best, Charlton (B), Brooking, Hoddle, Brady and, er, Alan Devonshire.
Pre-Match Superstition: Always go back to beat the left back for a third time.
Interesting Trivia: Was once humiliated on a live radio show by Brian Clough, who called me, among other things a "scruffy little bugger". "Like my mother used to say," he added, "you look like you could do with a good wash." That Sunday's News of the World libelled me as a "blushing fan, who left the stage in tears."

REFERENCES

Supporting Material: Cast in Reservoir Lags Contractual Holes Shabby in Beige Stripped of Gong Crock of Awards Standing Up To The Cabal Lollipops Manager of the Months ShabbyGate Loss Leader Cinderella Curse Broken Shorts Do Matter Reevaldinho

VITAL STATISTICS