THE NOBBY STILES AWARD
FOR THE MOST PERSISTENT AND DOGGED
'MAN-TO-MAN' MARKING JOB
Goes To :-
COLIN DUFF
For the extremely close attention paid
to a certain Swedish midfielder.
Duff waves to the adoring masses!
THE DR JEKYLL AND
MR HYDE AWARD
FOR SCHIZOPHRENIC BEHAVIOUR
Goes To :-
JOHNINHO
"I've never known anyone to be such a decent,
reasonable fellow off the pitch, and such a
violent, raving looney on it," quoth one voter.
THE RED BARON AWARD
FOR MOST ACCURATE
AIR-TO-GROUND MISSILE
Goes To :-
AN ABERDONIAN SEAGULL
Which dropped his/her entire load slap-bang on Kev
Spence's forehead during the 1997 World Cup with
a precision rarely displayed by a Logica winger.
THE ABBOTT BARN DOOR,
BANJO, AND COW'S ARSE AWARD
FOR WORST MISS OF THE MILLENNIUM
Goes To :-
JEZ BROWN
A popular and unanimous winner for his balloon
over the bar from a measured distance of 11.26cm
in this season's Cup match against Queen Vic.
THE LIVERPOOL FC
MEN IN WHITE SUITS AWARD
FOR THE LOGICA FOOTBALLER MOST
BENEFITTING THE FASHION INDUSTRY
Goes To :-
MANLIO TROVATO
Despite stiff competition from MacKinney(B), Dick and Burdett.
THE BLACKBURN ROVERS AWARD
FOR SHIT TABLE-TOPPING
Goes To :-
BARRY MILLAR
For World Cup crimes in Bordeaux too hideous to mention.
THE RUPERT MURDOCH AWARD
FOR A LIFETIME CONTRIBUTION
TO GUTTER-PRESS JOURNALISM
Goes To :-
MARK ABBOTT AND
"If Selected..."
"What can I say? Thank you to all who voted for
this esteemed organ. I'd also like to thank the
readers, my manager, my agent..." etc etc.
THE CHRIS WILDSMITH AWARD
FOR BEST GOALKEEPER
OF THE MILLENNIUM
Goes To :-
SCOTT FLEMING
"Despite being vertically challenged, he's
re-defined the image of Scottish goalkeepers,"
quoths a straight-faced voter.
THE ORDNANCE SURVEY AWARD
FOR MOST MILES COVERED
ON A SUNDAY MORNING
Goes To :-
PHIL HATTON
Who just beat off a late surge from the Jeff
and Scott duet entitled "Who put the entire
committee in the same car?!?".
THE PACKARD BELL AWARD
FOR MOST EXPENSIVE LAP-TOP
Goes To :-
DUFF & JOHNINHO
For their twilight exploits in Bordeaux.
THE COVENTRY CITY CHOCOLATE
BROWN WITH TWO VERTICAL
WHITE STRIPES AWARD
FOR WORST KIT OF THE MILLENNIUM
Goes To :-
THE DRAB GREY
LITTLE NUMBER
Very, very closely followed by Skippy's jade ensemble piece.
THE MIKE TYSON AWARD
FOR MOST VIOLENT OPPONENTS
Goes To :-
MAYBANK PRESS FC
For many fond memories from those lazy
summer evenings back in the eighties.
NORTH LONDON BRANCH
OF THE LOGICA FC
SUPPORTERS CLUB AWARD
FOR TIGHTEST SHORTS OF THE MILLENNIUM
Goes To (in reverse order):-
(3) SIMON WOOLHOUSE
(2) MARTIN JOHNSON
(1) AKIS XENOPHONTOS
"Akis consistently selected shorts which must have
hampered his ability to perform in any capacity that
involved the lower part of his body," observed
the secretary of the North London Branch.
THE FRANK SINCLAIR AWARD
FOR NERVELESS AND CLINICAL
FINISHING IN FRONT OF ONE'S
OWN GOAL
Goes To :-
TIM APPLEYARD
For many a well-timed owny.
THE POINTY FINGER AWARD
FOR OUTRIGHT INDIGNATION
Goes To :-
MALCOLM DICK
"Who called an opposing attacker who dived in
the box 'a tart', and the referee agreed,"
remembers one very mature voter.
THE KEITH SIDAWAY AWARD
FOR "ONLY EVER TACKLING ANYONE
WHEN I BROUGHT A BIRD ALONG
TO WATCH THE MATCH"
Goes To :-
BRENDAN MACKINNEY
Care of a flattering tribute from
a member of his own family.
THE ELVIS PRESLEY
'IN THE GHETTO' AWARD
FOR SEPARATING THE
WHEAT FROM THE CHAFF
Goes To :-
KEITH SIDAWAY
For inventing the much maligned
'Tiered' system of touring.