Dear Mr Hatton,

Although I stated that I had been dropped by better captains than you, I have NEVER been treated with such disrespect in all my 120 years in the top echelons of the game. I am now tempted to retire from Logica AFC (again).

Subsequently, I have consulted three parties:- The Footballing Gods, My Legal Advisors and 1-D - my Football Agent. This is the result:-

The Footballing Gods govern the game. You have clearly upset them and now you and any Logica AFC team that plays without me will suffer from their displeasure.

Already the 'goal machine' Abbott has dried up for not acknowledging them and now it will be your turn to suffer. Its just as well you dropped yourself this weekend or I could see you with a Larsson-type injury. You also might have been dropped by better captains than yourself but I doubt it...

My legal advisors are looking at the small print of my registration documents to ascertain exactly if you are contractually able to exclude a legend from the team. Remember, once a legend always a legend and, speculatively, I believe you have overstepped your authority as a 'caretaker' Supremo.

1-D, my football agent, is being contacted to gauge the possibilities of a move to another team. Indeed I may just keep myself in trim(!), play in the reserves, see out my (not very) lucrative registration, and await the harsh winter upcoming and the 'only-eight-players-again' Sunday morning scenario's that you just know are around the corner.....

Of course there is always 'The Lags', a place where I am welcome, wanted and valued.

It gives me great sadness that you youngsters, with your long hair and your back-four mentality, have no idea of what its like to play in a trophy wining side. I thought I could have brought that experience to benefit your 'younger players' as you endeavour to rebuild your previously relegated team.

I hope your position at the top of the league will not go to your head. Remember, one day, you'll be a sad old git hanging onto the autumn of your career when some 'punk' with a chip on his shoulder comes along and discards you like an old rag. But that'll come soon enough for you.

Meanwhile I'm off to join the Football Gods and have some fun by making sure its raining on Sunday morning, there's only cold water in the shower, the kit doesn't turn up, and you lose five players coz they were so stupid as to not put their clocks back when summertime finishes.

Yours not bitterly,
Sid (Legend)

PS This reply will also go to my friends in the Fourth Estate...