Dear "If Selected...",

Something really weird happened to me last Sunday. The preparation for the match went all according to plans and I was all ready for a good game: I diligently read the latest news on "If Selected...", I was perfectly on shape as I followed my truly footballer diet, which abounds in pasta and wine, and I had an early night on Saturday. And, oh yes, I put my clock back, wise guy, on Saturday night before going to bed, because of course summer time was over, of course.....

I got up in good time on Sunday morning, yawned for half an hour, had my rich breakfast, did my little things in the toilet (I felt a couple of pounds lighter after that!), carefully prepared my kit (.... let's see, boots, where a hell are they, maybe in the toilet, or in the bedroom or maybe in the cupboard, oh here they are ... in the kitchen, of course, where else? ... and shin pads, etc. etc.), check that my Vespa hadn't been stolen the night before and set off.

Actually, just before leaving I notice that the big round clock of the church which I see from the window of my luxury flat was one hour forward. Some people, you know, do not react promptly to changes in the society. "Surely the church is a bit slow in keeping up with modern times, that must be it!", I thought.

To be honest I tried to double check the time on my TV, but the model I have was manufactured in 1965 and teletext was future at that time. "Never mind. Let's go".

I had a pleasant ride, thinking of what the formation could be. Got there at 9.25, 10 minutes late, perfect time. Not surprisingly no one was there.

"Too early", I thought. Luckily enough there was a chap waiting for other friends. "Hi Mate, got time?", I politely asked. "Yeah, half past nine, ma'", he said. "Wise guy", I thought, "he's put the clock back, eh!".

The conversation went on, my friends didn't show up, his friends didn't either. We started an investigation. All clocks were an hour forward. Tube, news agent, every one. Disgraceful, we thought, so many lazy people around. They didn't even bother putting the clock back.

But then, we realised that the laziness was everywhere. ALL clocks were one hour forward. It was only then that we realised what happened : THE NATION FAILED TO BRING THE CLOCK BACK!.

"Oh dear, what can I do ?". I was 9.28, and given that the nation was one hour forward, the match was about to start. "Not to worry, I have two minutes, plenty of time to go to the pitch, get changed, and play.... I have done this before. No problem".

So I didn't lose my heart, switched my Vespa on, and "OH S**T, I haven't been given the details of the pitch". I didn't know where to go. "Not to worry, again, I'll give Scott a ring and I'll be fine". Took my high tech mobile phone from my pocket and "OOOH F**K, Scott is in Asia, isn't he, and I haven't got anybody else phone numbers, have I ?".

The only thing I could do was to go round the area and try and guess the pitch. Well, I spent all morning driving around, I have been to one thousand two hundred and seventy five different pitches... but couldn't find the one where we were supposed to play. I had to give up and go home.

"IT'S A REALLY HARD LIFE, WHEN THE NATION IS AGAINST YOU", I thought. And drove back home.

Yours, sweeping
Manlio