Dear "If Selected...",

As a lifelong supporter of Logica FC I would like to express my disquiet at the unsettling number of chances that the Logica FC strikeforce are conspiring to miss recently.

When I first started supporting the team as a young boy I seem to remember that they had a striker called Keith Sidaway. (You must understand that this was a long time ago and I may have got my facts a bit mixed up). When faced with a goal-scoring opportunity this legendary striker, like a shark, would shut down all his senses and concentrate his entire being into getting the ball into the "onion bag". Many a time I have seen the ball, goalkeeper and sometimes the entire opposition defence end up in the same "onion bag" as the ball and Mr Sidway turn away to collect the salutaions of the entire team.

It seems to me that the current incumbents of the legendary strikers place in the team are more concerned with "looking good" than "delivering home the bacon". My sources tell me that Reevaldo (4 appearances, 0 goals) was in two minds when an opportunity presented itself this Sunday. As we all are aware - Mr Reevaldo has enough problems when he is in only one mind. The chance went begging.

Logica FC will never again achieve greatness until Mr Sidaway is returned to his rightful place leading the attack like a slightly older and fatter version of King Arthur riding a white steed. Can your esteemed publication assure its readers that this will come to pass and that Logica FC will return to greatness.

Yours Faithfully,

Harry H. Wombat
Wombat Domination Enterprises

PS - I would like to assure readers that this praise is in no way what-so-ever connected with the loan of 360,000 English Pounds from Mr Sidaway for the purchase of my new house in Notting Hill.

The Editor Replies: In response to your final plea, I can only point you in the direction of recent revelations regarding your boyhood hero. Given these events, and not forgetting your idol's recent scoring record, I have little doubt that the hopes deriving from your presumably corrupted memory are unlikely to come to pass.