The Inland Revenue last night launched a massive man-hunt for a suspect they have code-named "Legend". The Special Operations division of the British tax giants refused to make public any details of their investigations, but our 'Tax Mole' has obtained top secret information regarding the case, which he has passed on exclusively to "If Selected...".

Our informant reports that this will be one of the biggest fraud scandals for decades, with the corrupt world of Sunday morning football about to be exposed to a shocked public. The "Legend" apparently is one such Sunday morning footballer, who nearing the end of his career with a mediocre amateur side, had looked to 'supplement his income' via a fairly innocuous tax dodge. The scam was to organise himself a testimonial after officially announcing his retirement from the game. The testimonial itself was not technically illegal. The fraud laws were only broken when the player in question glibly continued his playing career after cheating the public, club officials and the taxman out of tens of pounds in so-called "gifts".

From a moral stand-point, one might be able to forgive a poor, journeyman footballer trying to cobble together a few extra pounds to help him through his long and wretched retirement. However, this unscrupulous character did not stop there. Buoyed by the apparent ease of his testimonial swindle, 'The Legend' fell into the familiar trap of greedily repeating his crime. He tried his luck again, claiming that he was being sent out to Singapore for two years, which would inevitably mean the end of the line for a player of his age and fitness level. Once again his club fell for it, and unpacked the flags and banners in honour of this great and loyal servant. The tax-free donations were once again rolling in.

A short time later, feeling now that he could not fail, our comeback king devised a story regarding another sojourn to faraway lands, this time Nigeria. In fact so cocky did our fraudster become, that each year on a European tour, he merely had to hang his boots up on a changing room peg and two or three team-mates would immediately go out and purchase vast quantities of vintage champagne in his honour.

But finally the authorities caught up with this ruthless villain. Ironically the facts surrounding the man's latest retirement were genuine. The jaw of the "The Legend" had been broken during a Sunday morning league match. Again this was the cue for retirement from the game he loved, and for once there was genuine sympathy and compassion for the player's hospital-bound plight. A testimonial quickly followed, and gifts of silver estimated to be worth over six pounds were duly purchased and presented.

This time the authorities were ready, but they could not act unless our man re-traced his well-worn criminal steps, and began playing again. Sure enough, a recent Sunday morning saw the latest comeback of this self-styled legend on the playing fields of south-west London. Despite a huge police operation, however, the player in question somehow slipped through the net with a rarely seen turn of pace. An ex-colleague interviewed in a north London pub the following day, commented wryly that was the first time that "The Legend" had found the net in many years.