Belated congratulations from all at the club to and his wife on the birth of their first child, a son who they have called Tommaso. All are doing well, and, as can be seen from the photo, little Tommy is already mastering the essentials of appealing for offside.

The proud father, himself re-born as a skilful midfielder this season, explained the thinking behind this fine delivery. "After the shocking news that Hatton Minor has been transferred to better glory up North, I have been working hard in order to find new talents for the Logica FC. And I successfully found one, hiding in St Thomas' Hospital, just opposite Westminster. After lengthy negotiations, Supremo Groomo realised that the opportunity to secure the talent of this little boy for the club could not be missed, and I am glad to tell you that Tommaso Trovato has now signed on the dotted line and he is anxious to show off his talent soon on the pitch."

We look forward to Tommy Trovato lifting the World Cup for England in 2030, but in the short term there was even better news for the club. "This will keep me busy for another week or two, but I hope to be back on the pitch very soon."