It appears that our indefatigable Supremo may finally have hit upon a formula for success and one which is guaranteed to yield silverware to boot. After various attempts at Survival Roadmaps, Promotion Roadmaps, and even Mid-table Mediocrity Roadmaps, Groom's latest cunning plan appears to have locked Logica's sights firmly on a League and Cup double. And the characteristic Groom touch is that the only time we have to get out of bed is to pick up our medals!

We're not quite sure how he has managed to execute this top secret operation, but it is quite brilliant in both its effectiveness and its minimal effort requirements. For league games, opposition are selected each week who are either (a) suspended, or (b) unable to raise a team. Result: three points awarded to Logica. Failing that, a last minute thunder-storm is invoked to trigger a postponement until such time as our opponents are unable to play the fixture. In the Cup, the Supreme strategy involves either the elegantly simple device of getting a bye, or the slightly more dangerous scheme of arranging a combustible mix of tardy opponents and mardy referee, but one with a guaranteed ball in the hat every time.

This fool-proof formula has so far seen Logica advance to the third round of Big Ron without playing a game. Meanwhile in the bread and butter stakes, the mixed results achieved via the traditional method of actually playing a game contrast dramatically with the 100% record (six free points out of six) achieved by the Supremo with his new strategem. He just has to maintain the smooth running of Operation Lie-In for the next five months and the Second Division title and Big Ron Cup are as good as in the bag.

The menacing pitfalls of actually playing a competitive match were highlighted by quite a few of our fellow Division Two clubs in the second round of Big Ron. Take high-flying Charing Cross for example. Last year's Little Ron Cup winners had a seemingly sure-fire home banker against middling Third Division outfit Old House XI, but, in a foolhardy bout of complacency, went ahead and played the game only to crash out 4-3 without even a Mickey Mouse parachute competition to land safely in. Kew Green were soundly thrashed 6-1 by our old friends from Croydon Red Star, whilst Spectra (unable to raise a team against us the Sunday before) exited Big Ron with a 4-0 defeat at the hands of Supercala, currently struggling one place off the bottom of Division One.

An unsuccessful outcome need not be quite so emphatic. The Danes put up a plucky display against last season's runners-up Broadway before going down 3-2, whilst Portman Arms showed some of the improvement predicted on these pages as they fell narrowly by the odd goal in three to reigning Second Division Champions and current First Division leaders Bald Eagles. And, if only to emphasise what a lottery the play-the-match strategy actually is, one might even experience an occasional success. Fulham Utd comfortably saw off the less than explosive Supernova Clapham from Division Three, whilst South West Alliance impressed in felling the aptly named Barnes Blues from the Division above by four goals to one. But perhaps most impressive of all was Old Sergeant's 3-0 victory over Mohan's Clapham Rovers side, currently second in the First Division.

Our next administrative victims plucked from Big Ron's hat are to be North Kensington Utd, against whom we will be awarded the third round tie originally scheduled for Sunday. We await eagerly to see which mandarinal regulation they fall foul of. They currently sit fifth (out of ten) in Division One despite having played just five games. They have secured victories against the bottom two clubs, but lost to both of the sides promoted from Division Two last season (3-2 to the Bald Eagles and 5-2 to Broadway). Those not involved in ref-baiting before our ill-fated match against Bragança three weeks ago may have taken to watching the game on the next pitch (the one refereed by the League mandarin consulted by our captains at half-time). North Kensington (in yellow) ran out 7-0 winners against a frankly woeful Wessex Rangers team, who we can only hope were missing their regular keeper. In summary, even if the game would have taken place on Sunday, we would have had little to fear.

Meanwhile it appears that the Supremo's cunning ploy may have caught on as every team in Division Two managed to get their match postponed yesterday. Our match award the week before against Spectra began the slow but steady ascent as we moved up to 8th spot. Whilst the top two continued their strong form (Varsovia beating Kew Green 4-0 whilst Fulham went one better against the still-struggling Welham), third place Charing Cross had failed to learn their lesson and played out a 4-2 defeat against the Danes. Charing Cross are scheduled to be Logica's next no-show opponents in the league, and it certainly sounds like they could do with a week's rest.

[See the Results Grid for the results of all Division Two teams this season.]

12/19 November: Ron Halfacre Challenge Cup - 2nd Round Results
London Orients 1-4 Notting Dale
Old Sergeant 3-0 Clapham Rovers
Croydon Red Star 6-1 Kew Green
Simms United v Sands End [Tie awarded to Sands End]
Charing Cross 3-4 Old House XI
Bragança v Logica [Tie awarded to Logica]
North Kensington Utd 7-0 Wessex Rangers
Supernova Clapham 1-3 Fulham United
Kew Antigua 3-1 Roehampton Club
Supercala 4-0 Spectra
Barnes Blues 1-4 South West Alliance
Portman Arms 1-2 Bald Eagles
Broadway 3-2 Danes
Varsovia 'A' 7-0 Lansdown
The Pavillion v London Eagles [Tie awarded to Eagles]
Chelsea Town Reserves 0-4 Olympia

19 November: Division Two Results
Danes 4-2 Charing Cross
Kew Green 0-4 Varsovia 'A'
South West Alliance 3-1 Old Sergeant
Spectra v Logica[Match award to Logica]
Welham Athletic 0-5 Fulham United

26 November: Division Two Results
Charing Cross P-P Varsovia 'A'
Kew Green P-P Danes
Logica P-P Old Sergeant
Sands End P-P Portman Arms
Spectra P-P Lansdown

03 December: Ron Halfacre Challenge Cup - 3rd Round Ties
North Kensington Utd v Logica
Supercala v Fulham United
Old Sergeant v Varsovia 'A'
London Eagles v Old House XI
Notting Dale v Broadway
Olympia v South West Alliance
Sands End v Bald Eagles
Croydon Red Star v Kew Antigua

03 December: Division Two Fixtures
Portman Arms v Kew Green
Spectra v Welham Athletic

10 December: Division Two Fixtures
Kew Green v Spectra
Logica v Charing Cross
Old Sergeant v Portman Arms
Sands End v Danes
Varsovia 'A' v Lansdown
Welham Athletic v South West Alliance

17 December: Division Two Fixtures
Kew Green v Charing Cross
Old Sergeant v Lansdown
Portman Arms v South West Alliance
Spectra v Sands End
Varsovia 'A' v Danes
Welham Athletic v Logica