As is often the case in the depths of winter, Supremo Flemingwas having trouble assembling a side to face Ironprint in Logica’s vital relegation clash back in February. The shortage was more acute than your average winter Sunday however, as by 4pm on Friday he was still a couple of journeymen short of a basic, requisite eleven. Sidaway was still dallying with a career move into poetry, Groom was planning a larger hangover than usual, and even Spence was claiming a runny nose.

Emergency measures were required. The situation was serious enough for the Lag Network to be activated. Lights flashed, hubs whirred, hearing aids were turned on, and The Word went out. Within seconds the call had been answered. Step forward Mr Malcolm Dick, the original cultured libero, veritable Legend and Tier One mainstay.

Come Sunday morning, not for the first time, a Lag delivered a footballing lesson to awe-struck Pups. Big Malc may be just a smidgen past his athletic peak, but he demonstrated that footballing excellence is as much in the mind and the mouth, as in the feet. A few carefully selected fundamentals were retrieved from that vast data warehouse of on-field experience, and sprinkled liberally over the huddle of barely comprehending Pups.

The subjects chosen for this particular lesson were defensive shape and communication. With some simple prompting, what had previously resembled a rag-tag bunch of individuals suddenly turned into a cohesive and impenetrable defensive unit. The result was a clean sheet, only Logica’s second of the entire season. And inspired by such a solid defensive foundation, Logica’s offensive battalions grew in confidence and eventually ran riot in the second half, recording a 5-0 victory. One mesmerised Pup was heard to observe afterwards that he "had never seen Logica’s defence so well organised."

The "If Selected..." Official Photographer was also transfixed by this enlightening performance. As a result, we are extremely lucky to have obtained pictorial evidence of a legend at work. Picking out just a few snaps from this Sunday morning sermon serves to supply an exemplary lesson that would not look out of place in the much fabled FA Coaching Manual. As you can see from the following.

(1) Even as a young Pup on the bench, Malcolm was well aware of the importance of attracting the Supremo’s attention via feigned enthusiasm and a daring hem-line. A future legend must be a quick-learner, and Malcolm soon realised that hair was a non-essential that could only get in the way.	(2) Style is the most important credential of any cultured libero, and having mastered the domestic scene Malc was soon raising eyebrows in the cultural capitals of Europe, as Logica took the continent by storm in the early nineties. Here, Brugges Cathedral provides the catwalk.	(3) Technique is nearly as important as style in the modern game. Here Malc demonstrates the art of keeping one’s eye on the ball whilst maintaining an elegant, yet athletic, pose. Note the right-angle formed by the Lag's legs, and the perpendicularity of arms to eye-brows. Here's a defender who has all the angles covered!
(4) A legend does not always have to keep his eye on the ball, however. Such is the confidence in his own abilities, a footballer of true quality will be able to control a ball whilst simultaneously surveying the field in order to select the optimal pass.	(5) What sets a world-class legend above your average legend, is an innate instinct for finding time and space in the tightest of situations. Shape is also imperative if one is to remain outstanding.	(6) However, not even a Tier One Legend Amongst Legends can be expected to keep control over everybody’s shape. Experience advises to get the referee on your side early doors, and imitation is the oft-quothed best form of flattery.
(7) It is the defensive arts for which Malc will best be remembered. Basic skills such as man-to-man marking are taken for granted in legendary defensive circles, but it is also important to conceal your surprise when a fly-by-night hole-merchant tracks back by mistake.	(8) The modern game is all about anthropological psychology, and it is vital early doors to let the opposing striker know in no uncertain terms who is going to be master in this morning’s game of mind-chess. The subtle elbow in the back is the experienced stopper's customary opening move.	(9) If the poor unfortunate fails to heed this polite warning, and worse, has the temerity to display a bit of nippy pace in close proximity to your legendary person, draw on that myriad of experience that can only be gained by playing at the highest level for many, many years, and deploy some of those well-honed tactical skills. Pulling the f***er’s shirt usually does the trick.