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Quick, check the trade descriptions act - we've been done. It definitely said that the SSSFL was a Sunday morning league. Now we all know that this means quagmire pitches with tractor ruts across the penalty box, beer- gutted midfield generals who've just fallen out of the local nightspot and referees with as much awareness as a certain centre-half of our acquaintance after a cocktail or three.

So, picture the scene on September 18th, our innaugural match under the auspices of the Sportsman's League and a Cup encounter to boot. By 9:30 we have a squad of 12 duly assembled at Boston Manor tube station (somewhere in deepest Wales for those from the John Staunton school of geography). Arriving at the ground we find ... a completely flat, recently cut, bowling green of a pitch complete with four corner flags and nets already in place! And theres more. The referee is already waiting, there are separate lockable changing rooms for each team and a fully stocked clubhouse suitable for celebrating a famous cup success. We were all convinced that at any moment the alarm clock would go off to wake us from our dreams - but it was real and the nightmare was just about to start.

With messrs Millar, Duggan, Toman and Abbott absent for a variety of reasons, the Logica side that began this Ron Halfacre Challenge Cup Preliminary Round tie showed a number of changes from that which finished last season's Arthur Dann "Fair Play" Trophy final. And it was Logica's two debutants, Jeff Hatton and Steve Lambert who created our best chances early on, combining well down the left to test a rather suspect looking right back. However, these early chances led to nothing and it was soon apparent that the remaining 91% of the Brentford Town side were rather better than their right sided defensive colleague. For twenty minutes the deadlock remained, Logica's midfield competing well although not showing the dominance of previous weeks. But Brentford were obviously fitter and quicker in mind and body and the Logica machine was already beginning to grind to a halt.

The first goal materialised after 20 minutes, a classic case of defenders not anticipating the loose ball. By half time, two more had been dispatched in a similar manner and Brentford were running through the Logica defence virtually at will. But it could all have been so different. At one nil down, one of Logica's rare forays forward caught the Brentford defence unawares and found the unmarked Sidaway in space, underneath the crossbar, ball at feet, goalkeeper beaten. Look out for it on next year's Question of Sport - What Happened Next ? From what seemed like a "can't miss" position, Sidaway managed to hit the back of the net - the net, that is, which was set up in front of the clubhouse to prevent broken windows! It was to be our last chance of the half.

To add to Logica's problems, new boy Hatton's knees had given way so some halftime re-organisation saw Jobby slot into the left back berth with Spence retreating to midfield and our third debutant - Andrew Donovan - entering the fray up front.

The second half really isn't worth remembering. For the record, the facts are these. Logica were quickly 4-0 down but with new-boy Donovan holding the ball up well and prepared to run at the Brentford defence, there was always a chance of a consolation. This came after 15 minutes of the half, Donovan firing home. From then on it was one way traffic, with Logica's total lack of fitness and awareness at this level beginning to tell and Brentford creating dozens of clear chances. That the scoreline remained respectable was due in no small part to the heroics of Mr Wildsmith between the sticks, diving full length to save so many goal- bound efforts that his elbow swelled up to tennis ball size. To add insult to injury, Logica effectively played the last 20 minutes with 10 men - right back Clarke unable to contribute much after a stray elbow to the head (no change there then).

The final whistle was a relief for all. A hot shower was needed followed by several beers and then a week of fitness training. Most probably decided to skip the latter. Still, on the plus side we've now automatically qualified for the first round of the Ron Le Beau Trophy so it can't all be bad.