One of the most sought after qualities for a football team at any level is ‘consistency’. Post-match press conferences the length and breadth of the nation invariably cast both managers decrying their charges’ lack of consistency. Well, the New Logica leadership already seem to have instilled this rare quality into some of our celebrated squad. Thus it was that our Fantasy Goalkeeper once more failed to appear, and thus it was that Johninho once more saw red.

Fleming must certainly have removed any notions that football supremo-ship is a glamorous life, and must by now consider himself well-versed in most of the traditional Sunday morning disaster scenarios. So the non-appearance of a keeper hardly caused him to raise an eye-brow, and further stress was avoided when Emiola gallantly volunteered to don the gloves. Johninho, on the other hand, clearly feels that Fleming’s management skills are not being sufficiently stretched, and decided to test Fleming’s ability to reorganise the entire team formation at short notice by being sent off in the first minute. The Teesside hard-man was actually timed as coaxing the red card from the referee’s pocket after just 53 seconds. No mean feat, although disappointingly for Johninho, this is still some way short of the British record of 19 seconds set by Mark Smith of Crewe in 1994. Still, something to aim for.

Our vocal midfielder actually laid the ground work in the changing rooms before the game, as our referee popped in to say ‘hello’. Immediately our official was recognised as being responsible for calling off the previous week’s match due to a few stray wisps of noncey fog. Johninho felt obliged to inform the man in black that we had, in fact, enjoyed a great friendly game, and it was a shame that he could not have stayed around to enjoy it. The sarcasm was clearly wasted; our ref was not one for humour. Shortly after, Raynes Park kicked off as the rain lashed down. Abbott and Johnson closed down their left-back quickly, and it was the latter who stole possession. Turning quickly, Johninho was away from his man only to be blatantly tripped. As he fell sprawling in the mud, his old mucker in black casually waved play on, and the inevitable juggernaut that is destiny smoothly moved up a gear. Johninho expressed his disagreement with this non-decision in somewhat colourful fashion, and the referee immediately summoned him for a lecture. Johninho was keen to expand on his criticism, and after walking away a couple of times only to be re-summoned, he convinced the referee that a booking was merited. Our burly Teesside maestro is not one for half measures, and despite earlier indications to the contrary, thought a little tongue-in-cheek humour might resolve the issue. Indeed it did. "Well, we all know that all referees have personality defects" beamed Logica’s jolly cardboard-box man. As if to verify this wry observation, the man in the middle completely failed to see the funny side, and instead of rescinding the yellow card and asking Johninho if he fancied going out for a beer some time, he replaced it with red. Johninho may well be in the red in more ways than one. At the start of the season, anticipating the poor quality of refereeing he would experience over the coming months, our forward-looking midfielder opened a Post Office account, and has been paying in a few pounds each week to cover any disciplinary fines that might accrue. This second dismissal in little over a month may well cause the poor lad to go overdrawn.

Before Fleming could rise to this organisational challenge, Rovers nicked a soft first goal from a corner. But it was not long before centre-half Appleyard was put in goal, and Emiola was brought out to redress the newly acquired midfield imbalance. In short time, though, Logica conceded an unfortunate second as a hopeful punt sailed over a stranded Appleyard and into the net. It took a little longer before Logica got themselves sorted, but it gradually dawned on the remaining ten that their opponents were not actually that good, and rather than viewing this as a damage limitation exercise, they might actually be in with a chance. Some more purposeful attacking followed. Half-time saw the deficit remain at 2-0, and fresh legs boosted optimism. Now Logica made all the play, and produced some of the finest football of the whole season.

Jon Clarke was the pick of an excellent midfield, as non-stop running was combined with some precise and visionary passing. Burdett and Anthony were not far behind, and some of Logica’s approach play, even in such soggy conditions, was a delight. The ball was regularly funnelled out to Toman on the left, who ran at a terrified Rovers defence to such effect that their right-back finally insisted on being substituted. Frustratingly, this domination against the odds resulted only in a battery of shots the wrong side of the posts, and a plethora of corners. And you can all guess ‘what happened next?’. As Logica pressed for that crucial goal to get back into the game, Raynes Park sneaked up the other end on the break and scored. A fourth goal was quickly added from a corner. A rasping drive cannoned back off the bar only for a Park forward to crash in the rebound. This was a tad harsh on Appleyard, who had excelled himself in his unaccustomed role, and made some outstanding saves throughout the match. The Logica FC Goalkeeper of the Year Award will definitely be a tight run contest this season.

The least Logica deserved for their numerically challenged fight-back was a goal, and this finally arrived from their umpteenth corner. A goal-bound effort was cleared off the line, but Jon Clarke drilled home the loose ball to cap a fine display. The final whistle signalled the latest gathering of the "If Only..." Club, and the verdict was unanimous that two points would surely have been ours if only we’d had a goalkeeper, and if only Johninho had kept his gob shut.