This week's Match Report finds Mike Marsh and his humour lurking in the toilet.

Return to base Stade d'Ilea saw the continuation of the march of Groomo's army, wiping aside Kensington Stanley in a 6-0 goal fest.

As is expected at the height of a September Indian summer, the manager had the problem all manager's dream of who to leave out - Marsh, Brown, or go for the full three points by leaving out both of them. In the end a squad of experience mixed with maturity was called up, with the scary product of the youth academy on the bench in the form of Marsh, Fazel and Hatton Minor. With last years player of the season, Hatton Major an absentee this week, a continental-looking centre half pairing of Trovato and Brown was selected with Mainwaring and Groom in their usual full-back positions.

However when keeper Pendleton proved to be a DNS, and with no sign of Gill or Hoyland in the squad list, a few nerves were jangling at the prospect of a Groom / Brown, keeper / stopper combo. This was narrowly avoided by the ever loyal Booth taking the late call to fill the number one shirt at the eleventh hour with a large hangover [Keeper saves day? Ed].

Going forward the team were obviously going to be useful with the Lag pairing of Lambert and Abbott up front, supported by McWilliam and the twinkle-toed Reevaldo in the middle of the park, plus and Taylor and Clarke on the flanks.

So on paper, this side assembled at Logica FC HQ looked top drawer. But for twenty minutes it seemed that the crowd of 000,002 (in the away section) were going to have to make do with the spectacle of an extended Logica FC warm-up. Exhibition football maybe its not, but I'm sure there's a You've Been Framed two-hundred and fifty quid in it for anyone that turns up with a video camera next time. On the verge of conceding the three points by default, Stanley arrived and the contest began.

With Kensington late and Logica primed for the occasion, you'd have thought the Logicians had a chance to overcome their trademark slow start. They almost didn't with the opening minutes looking even, both teams playing as if on an unsuccessful Friday night on the pull - probing but not penetrating.

However it wasn't long before the experienced offensive Lag machine began showing their range of skills with which to penetrate in the box. Indeed like the older boys at the school disco, they danced round the defence, Reevaldo putting Lambert in down the right who skilfully went round the back to gift the perfectly placed Abbott, waiting in the box, the chance to shoot home [1-0].

Not too long later and they were at it again, a dazzling run from Lambert, climaxed by an interchange with Abbott, but Lambert lacked his strike partner's composure in the box and the effort screwed wide. He soon had better control of the ball, latching on to a defence-dissecting pass from Reevaldo, rounding the defenceless keeper, and shooting between the open posts [2-0].

It was at this point that your match reporter had to tear himself away from the game and retire to the luxurious Stade d'Ilea WCs for his pre-match poo, which has taken on the unfortunate habit of turning up late, as observed in the Pups World Cup campaign. However despite my reluctance at visiting a toilet already used by eight Sunday (morning) league teams it was with welcome relief that I can commend the impressive Stade d'Ilea facilities; working flush, toilet paper, a seat, the works...

So whilst I was enjoying the splendour of the Stade d'Ilea WCs, I'm reliably informed that Logica continued to create chances, Mainwaring hurrying a shot wide from a cross, McWilliam coming close twice after dancing round the Kensington defence, Abbott's first touch letting him down after a visionary pass from Clarke played him in, and Brown missing a free header - completely, not even glancing it.

While Kensington also made inroads, the Logica defence looked to be gaining confidence, Brown seemingly a natural at centre half, and the Kensington chances were limited. Still a two goal lead at half time possibly flattered the home side.

After half time, the Supreme Groomo sacrificed himself in order to have a fag on the touch line, sending Hatton Minor on in his place at right back. With fresh legs in the back four, the attacking Lag machine went looking for more goals. *Another* individual run from the Wembley single's king McWilliam ended fruitless, and Abbott headed a Mainwaring cross wide. The wait was over when Abbott flicked on a long Taylor throw-in, the keeper fumbled with the kind of style that would stand him in good company with some of the Logica keepers of years past. In trying to save the corner he only managed to palm the ball to the ever-alert Reevaldo who slotted home from an acute angle [3-0].

With the game looking safe, it was decided to risk giving Marsh and Fazel a run out. Taylor and Abbott made way for the young guns. The substitution proved a masterstroke.

Ex-nypper Fazel had obviously learnt from the Lags lesson of potency in the box, his youth however requiring less recovery time between shooting. Indeed it wasn't long before a beautifully weighted McWilliam pass which penetrated the box to allow Fazel to tune in with his first touch, and fire home with his second [4-0].

Moments later, needing no time to recuperate, Fazel was again active in the box this time on the end of a Reevaldo ball, which was tenaciously bundled past the sliding keeper [5-0]. Searching for his hat-trick, super-sub Fazel found the tank empty, stabbing his next effort wide from a cross to the far post.

Twinkle-toes Reevaldo also went looking to increase his strike rate, two elaborate dribbles beating the whole of the Kensington defence only to be foiled when he unceremoniously tripped over the ball with just the keeper to beat. So it was left to McWilliam to supply the tin-cap, drilling home precisely from the edge of the box after a corner was only half cleared [6-0].

With the team tails-up and searching for goals, surely there would be holes for Kensington to utilise? Not so, the midfield were uncharacteristically evident in their tracking back. Trovato and Brown marshalled a solid back four and Booth was there with a succession of good catches and punches clear to steady Logica's aerial nerves at the back. The latter also produced a full-length diving save for the cameras in the final minutes to secure a well deserved clean sheet for both him and the team.