It may not have been immediately obvious to those casual fans checking the results on Teletext on Sunday evening, but Logica actually played rather well on Sunday. On the face of it, losing 4-1 to Kew Green is a fairly comprehensive defeat, but a quick study of the OptaIndex stats for the match would surely show where Logica's glaring deficiency lies: the barn-door targeting department.

Some neat and free-flowing football carved out more chances than the team probably created in the whole of last season. Even as the ball continued to evade the Kew Green goal with increasing and frustrating regularity, Logica refused to lose heart, and happily persevered with creating more opportunities to spurn.

The visitors must also have boasted a sizable majority of the possession, a statistic that would make unusual reading for a Logica team whose carefully developed brand of hot-potato football has regularly yielded single-figure possession percentages in the past. Perhaps the conscious attempt to apply our World Cup approach, keeping the ball and playing a more sophisticated and possession-based style of football is actually having an effect? Is somebody actually listening during the pre-match team-talk?

But any attempt to evolve is likely to be accompanied by painful lessons, and Kew certainly handed out a lesson in finishing yesterday. The home side can have created little more than half a dozen presentable chances, but found the net four times. The sizable shot-count from Logica found just a solitary conversion, and afterwards pondered dropping and for next week's match, and replacing them with Charles Hawtrey and Kenneth Williams, who would at least get a few more laughs if Logica Carry On Missing.

The Carry On team might also have raised a titter at the anal display from our man in black. Both teams had been warming up for nigh on fifteen minutes when he finally emerged into the Riverside rain. After an extensive net-tugging and corner-flag waggling routine, he made each team line up in school-boy fashion and, amidst much suppressed giggling, inspected the studs and hands of each player in turn, whilst having the cheek to complain that the match was already behind schedule. will at least have been relieved that none of his charges were found to have dirty finger-nails.

When turned up late, a few wags suggested that he would need to present a note from his mother to the referee before being allowed to play. Any lingering grins were subsequently wiped from Logica faces when Wright was incredibly shown the yellow card shortly after coming on as a half-time substitute for not presenting the necessary paperwork to the officious official. Such provocative letter-of-the-law behaviour has no place in Sunday morning ale-house football, although the poor display of refereeing that followed was not quite in the class of the legendary Victor Caulkin.

Logica started brightly as the match finally got under way, and two patient build-ups were only spoiled by poor touches from in the penalty area. This early profligacy was punished ruthlessly by Kew who scored with their first attack which was very much against the run of play even at this early stage. Kew's right winger picked the ball up just over half-way, but embarked upon a mesmerising run deep into the penalty area that left both and on their back-sides. This brilliant piece of skill was climaxed with a very unselfish square pass that took out of the game and left a colleague to tap into an empty net [0-1].

An even more spectacular second goal followed almost immediately for the home side. Again the danger came from Kew's right-winger, although his cross was stabbed clear by . But from outside the penalty area, Kew's other flanker crashed an unstoppable volley first time into the far corner with again helpless [0-2]. Logica were stunned, and their defence was in disarray when a through-ball met only raised arms for a non-existent offside, allowing another Kew forward time to advance and poke the ball past once more [0-3].

Logica were reeling at such a deficit after just fifteen minutes, but kept their heads up and set about playing themselves back into the match. The passing was patient and slowly the chances began to emerge. was at the hub of most things and was beginning to dominate on the left flank. Kew may have had the aerial dominance in the middle of the park, as their skipper (ex-Logica player Christian Gallagher) and left-midfielder won everything with their heads, but when Logica got the ball on the deck they used it far more effectively.

The first chance fell to , drifting left behind the two central defenders and picked out with a precise pass from , but rather than bear down on goal, the ageing striker spotted the Kew keeper some way off his line,and attempted an ambitious lob that drifted tamely wide. The same players exchanged a neat one-two to send the midfielder clear down the left, but after last week's screen star had drifted nonchalantly past one challenge, he was clumsily upended a yard outside the box. arrowed the dead-ball into the near post only to see 's glancing header directed straight at the keeper's chest when a yard either side would have yielded a certain goal from such close range.

was posing a constant threat down the left flank, and now fed in the inside-left channel who looked up to spy his strike partner bursting into the box just ahead of his marker. The low cross found its target, but 's first time shot was again straight at the keeper. Soon himself was bursting through the middle between the two centre halves to be picked out with a peach of a pass from . The Norwich man took the ball beautifully in his stride, but from the edge of the box his powerful shot was too high.

was still creating space for himself, and again drifted left to be found with a lofted pass from . The elaborate forward flicked the ball over one challenge before jinking inside the next, but his trademark curly finish into the top corner was inches the wrong side of the post. That miss might have been deemed unlucky by the generous, but there could be no excuses minutes later when a through-ball saw two Kew defenders clatter into each other as the ball dissected them. was away and drove on into the box, but once again selected the wrong finish from his box of tricks. Instead of just twatting the ball past the keeper, he waited for a defender to catch him up before trying an elaborate dummy inside, by which time the chance was gone. The half ended in more frustration as a neat slide-rule pass from played in, but as the Green keeper dived at his feet, the Logica forward's touch was too heavy and the ball sped over the bye-line.

Logica thus had nothing to show for their first half rally, but any fears that frustration might creep into their game were quickly dispelled as the second half started in identical vein. A neat passing move down the left involving and freed who powered into the box only to see his shot deflected behind. had replaced at the break, and unphased by his yellow card, quickly set about posing a threat down the right side, where his pace and skill won a succession of corners and throw-ins. One long throw was only half cleared, and pounced only to see his close-range volley fly too high.

The game was now being played mostly in the Kew half, and when the home side did regain the ball, their main tactic was to lump it over the top of Logica's backline, gambling on the pace of their forwards as Logica piled more men forwards. But for now , , and mopped up these hopeful counter-attacks, and when Kew did force a corner, a half-chance was blazed high.

Meanwhile the visitors continued to press. 's telepathic pass into the path of a diagonal run saw the ageing striker again square towards , who had snuck a yard on his marker. But the end result was the same, as the Yorkshireman executed the difficult task of hitting a ball rolling across him, but fired his well-hit first time shot straight at the keeper. The Kew defending was beginning to exhibit some desperation, and was ruthlessly upended after going past his man. There was no yellow card on show since the offence was not administrative, but curled the dead-ball towards the top corner only to see a flying Green keeper palm his effort around the post.

Logica had forced a string of corners that had come to nothing, with a number wastefully collected under no challenge by the Kew gloveman. But a change of tactic paid dividends, as perhaps the most elaborate corner in the club's history finally saw Logica pull a goal back. rushed to collect the ball after Wright's free-kick and played a quick corner to , still running over to take the kick. Eschewing any kind of dummy, the ball was quickly returned to . Unsatisfied at this turn of events, shaped to cross before flicking the ball back over the defender's leg to near the corner flag. By now hemmed in but not to be out-done, concocted an elaborate dummy of his own before swivelling 180 degrees, dribbling along the bye-line and easing a low ball into the feet of at the near post. had continued his run into the box, and some vocal demands saw the defender lay the ball perfectly into his path after a neat turn. Having finally learned the error of his ways, slid in no-nonsense style to fire the ball into the roof of the net from eight yards [1-3].

There was still enough time left and Logica sensed that a point was attainable. They continued to pile on the pressure, and soon after pulling a goal back created perhaps the best chance of the morning. Some more slick passing fed on the left, who got past the last defender and into the six yard box. But from an acute angle his low shot flew wide of the far post, when a squared pass would surely have seen even the profligate but unmarked reduce the deficit to one.

Logica were also denied a seemingly clear-cut penalty when was clumsily pushed from behind as he rose to head on another long-throw into the box. But having penalised the slightest aerial contact in pernickety fashion all morning, the anal arbiter suddenly lost his nerve with a offence committed inside the box. Just to rub salt into the wound, minutes later he awarded a free-kick just minutes later for an identical foul on . But there could be no accusation of bias, for when quite blatantly controlled a long ball into Logica's box with his arm, the referee quite remarkably failed to award Kew a penalty.

But it was not long before Logica were finally put out of their misery. Kew mounted a counter-attack and although the first shot from the right was blocked by , the rebound was fired home [1-4]. The game was up, and Logica's efforts in the final few minutes lacked conviction. The dressing room afterwards was filled with an unusually sombre silence, a marked contrast to the jovial jesting that greets the usual sound drubbing. There was of course intense disappointment as Logica reflected on the plethora of chances missed, but they should not lose too much heart, and at least take some consolation from the quality and style of their play. As soon as banjo and cow's arse can be co-joined, the team will surely reap the dividends that their play merits...