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World Cup Diary - Sunday 7th May 1995: World Cup fever, and the Olympic Localpaaks Stadion is packed to the rafters. It is very quiet on the train journey to the ground as nerves begin to tell in the English camp. The Dutch team are billed as a rag-tag bunch of no-hopers thrown together during three ad-hoc training sessions by coach McCabe. A sneaky psychological ploy it would appear as England are taken apart by Holland and lead 3-0 at half-time. Stand-in keeper Lambert has no chance with any of them. Woolhouse is substituted after only ten minutes and throws his shirt down in front of Captain Clarke in disgust. The referee books 3 Englishmen and photographs 5 more. Further substitutions at half-time improve matters slightly, and Abbott scores from a pass by Grassie. This life-line is quickly snuffed out as the Dutch add a fourth through Harry Garnaat (his second), who along with sweeper Marcel Bremer are the Men of the Match, and they are World Champions for the first time. McCabe lifts the Jules Rimet look-alike at a luxurious reception in Delft. The Dutch are then challenged to put their 6 guilders where our mouths are, and we gain sweet revenge (when it comes to anal retention, the English still lead the world!). Dick, in another sad attempt to regain Tier One status, buys Sid some quality champagne to mark the annual hanging-up-of-the-boots. Read gets to keep the cardboard box, having won it five times on the trot!
WINNERS:
The Jules Rimet Award For Winning The World Cup: Holland
The Inaugural Pungent Guilder Six Metre Steeplechase Winner: Denis Malone
The Islington Library Card Tier One Pretensions Twelve Metre Gold Card Cup Winner: Malcolm Dick
The Umbro Shorts Award For Baboon-Like Arse Grip in the Tier Two Loose Change Steeplechase: Barry Millar
The Great Annual Cardboard Box Award For Top Class Flapping: Graham Read, for his fine selection of anecdotes. Graham gets to keep the award to mark the fact that he has now won it three times (1989 Holland, 1993 Paris and 1995 Rotterdam). Other winners were Dave Richmond (1991 Ostend) and Clarke (1994 Amsterdam).
The Annual Keith Sidaway Award To The Ageing Over-The-Hill Star Hanging Up His Boots Again After Another Disappointing Tour: Keith Sidaway, who was awarded a bottle of Tier One Champagne in recognition of his winning this award five tours running, and because we thought he meant it this time.
The Gratitude Of The Masses Award For Organising One Of The Greatest Logica Tours Ever: James McCabe
LOSERS:
The Simon Woolhouse Award For Most Predictable Tantrum On Being Substituted After Only Ten Minutes Of A World Cup Final: Simon Woolhouse
The Macauley Caulkin Award For Childishly Hiding the World Cup Trophy Prior To Presentation Just Because We Lost: Keith Sidaway
The Good Beer Guide Award For Abusing Fine Quality Belgian Ale In The Belief That It Was The Equivalent of Watneys Red Barrel : Barry Millar on Duvel
The Sigmund Freud Award For Best Dream Involving High-Heeled Shoes: Barry Millar
THE LOGICA WORLD CUP FINAL
Result: Holland 4-1 England
Scorers:
Holland: Jan Luykx (7'), Dumoulin (10'), Garnaat (35'), Garnaat (70').
England: Abbott (61').
Team Line-ups:
Holland: Phillip Veale; Rolf Appel, Marcel Bremer, James McCabe, Peter Huisin'Veld; John Staunton, Rene Oude Vrielink, Frank Meyers, Dirk Jan Luykx, Arcen Dumoulin, Harry Garnaat. Subs: Jack Kennes, Wim Meijers.
England: Steve Lambert; Gary Lester, Malcolm Dick, Denis Malone, Richard Quilligan; Derek Moore, Barry Millar, Simon Woolhouse, Hugh Stace; Richard Jobling, Kevin Spence. Subs: Mitchell Grassie, Ian Clarke, Mark Abbott, Kieran Toman, Graham Read, Keith Sidaway.
Picture Captions #1:
Above: Holland and England pose before the World Cup Final; Below: McCabe lifts the trophy (left); Sumo petulantly throws down his shirt after an early substitution (middle); Millar appreciates the subtle qualities of Duvel (right).
World Cup Diary - Monday 8th May 1995: We bid our understanding host Rudi a fond farewell and head for home. An impromptu Question of Sport session at Schipol Airport temporarily takes our minds off the depression of World Cup defeat. Sid even sits in 'Standard Class' to try and improve morale. Back in England, there is just time for Abbott to steal the venerable Mr Clarke's anorak in a Clash of the Sad Titans, before we reach Victoria. We all agree that this was the best tour ever, and then head off in our various directions to catch Vera Lynn on TV.
Picture Captions #2:
Sidaway hangs up those well-hung boots. Abbott has seen it all before.
Picture Captions #3:
Above Left: The English and Dutch players relax at a fabulous reception held after the World Cup Final. It takes Millar only a few beers to convince all present that England really should have won. Above Right: Malone displays a level of control rarely seen on the pitch. Below Right: The Tier One Gold Card Cup is scrupulously refereed by Millar with the aid of a Duvel.
Picture Captions #4:
The Tier One boys show what it takes. Would you buy a used Islington Library Card from the geezer on the right?!?