Whilst the art of the striker is often summed up in the simplified cliché of being in the right place at the right time, the problem facing the modern-day Supremo is often one of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. So it was for , who found himself in a pub late one spring evening with the incumbent gaffer, chewing the cud over vital footballing issues as the beers flowed easily. With Logica Football Club looking odds on for relegation, a glut of experienced stars approaching the end of their contracts, and justifiably feeling he had done his bit, the unfortunate Scot somehow found himself putting pen to paper on a hastily assembled three year contract just as the bell for last orders began tolling.

was faced with a situation that even his namesake's most famous literary creation, James Bond, would have had difficulty extricating himself from. With just two wins on the field of play during the previous campaign, the club's survival was solely down to two victories awarded at the BeanGate disciplinary hearing. Morale was low, and many of the team's big name stars duly neglected to renew their contracts: signed up for the J-League, was hired by the secret services, and retired for the third (but not the last) time.

The new Supremo set about his mountainous task with gusto in his first campaign. A string of shrewd purchases saw the likes of , , and bringing some much needed bite, pace, skill and half-time rollies into a club in dire need of a pick-me-up. And the initial signs were good, as Logica drew three of their first four league games, with in particular catching the eye with some well taken goals.

But a devastating 7-0 defeat to Sporting Lisbon in the first round of the Cup knocked the stuffing out of the infant squad's fragile confidence, and also saw out for the rest of the season when he picked up a horrific ankle injury whilst moonlighting between the sticks. The club failed to register a win until December, and were deep in the relegation mire during the second half of the season in which only a clutch of six-pointers against our drop-threatened rivals offered hope. Logica scored an impressive 13 goals in these four key encounters, but all were lost by the odd goal and despite an impressive 4-2 win over promotion-chasing St.Anselms amidst this tragic entertainment, the last of these defeats against bottom placed Montague Arms in the final game sealed the first relegation in the club's history. A lack of a keeper all season proved significant, with seven separate outfield players trying on the gloves with various degrees of success before was signed ironically just in time for the final match.

But at least some of his charges went out of their way to cheer the new Supremo up during this historic season. , in particular, did his best to keep the team's morale up with a series of high quality comedy turns, most notably exposing the referee's personality defects in cleverly talking his way to a world record red card inside a minute against Raynes Park Rovers. The ensuing written correspondence with the Football Association also boasted many moments of comedic genius. But the mandarinal monolith, not noted for its sense of humour, only reacted by extending the mardy Teessider's ban to over a year, and ensured that the maverick Middlesbrough man would never wear the club colours again as hastily arranged a damage limitation, cut-price transfer to Leeds.

If all this domestic misery was not enough, was also thrown in at the international deep end. Whilst England had made reasonable if ultimately disappointing showings in finishing as runners-up in the first three Logica World Cups, suddenly found his squad decimated in the build up to his first World Cup as gaffer by some elderly prima-donnas. Some Kerry Packer type tempted all the experienced and talented members of the England squad into forming a breakaway circus, christened the England Lags, with vague promises of a guaranteed Tier One touah lifestyle. At France98, this division of the cream of English talent into Lags and Pups benefited neither party, with both teams robbed on a semi-final berth by killer late goals conceded in their final group game.

The following domestic season [1998-99] saw the club fare no better. Despite dropping a division, the quality of football refused to decrease accordingly, and the expectations of a quick return via promotion quickly degenerated into another relegation mare. had a tight transfer budget, but still managed to attract some talent to an ailing club. 's little brother was bullied into playing at the start of the season, and added some much needed steel to the back line. But as the battle wore on, some of 's troops seemed to lose their fervour for the fight, and matches were played after Christmas with 10, 9 and then just 8 players. Ironically, would be forced to use 35 different players during the campaign, but this only served to emphasise the club's desperate situation. New signings were made, most notably and , who would both go on to display their quality for many seasons to come, but it was too late to save this lost cause.

With just four wins and two draws all season, Logica slipped ignominiously to their second consecutive relegation. Once again the club was not helped by some cowardly opponents, two of whom promptly folded after the embarrassment of not being able to beat Logica (who lost much needed points as a result). Amidst all this disappointment as the club struggled through one of the worst seasons in its history, a beacon of excellence shined defiantly brilliant. , despite fast approaching his fifth decade, not only showed commitment by being an ever-present, but also ran away with the Golden Boot, banging in an astounding 16 goals in as many games, including a couple of hat-tricks and a brace to set up three of Logica's four victories.

After a slightly improved World Cup showing in Milan, in which the Lags claimed fourth spot and put the Pups in their place en route, had two clear objectives for the final season of the second millennium. Break the club's rapid plummet down the Sportsman League's hierarchy, and find someone naïve enough to take over the reins at the end of his contract. To his credit, the wily Scot met both goals.

A bundle of new talent in the shape of , , , and amongst others, saw the team begin brightly and remain unbeaten in their first five games. The last of these saw an header claim a draw against the similarly unbeaten Lusitanos, a point that was enough to take Logica to the top of the fledgling Division Two table. And the striker once again demonstrated his uncanny timing by launching the internet version of "If Selected…" that very week, with the web rag going on to boast over 20,000 visitors in its first 5 years.

Whilst this early form waned, there were still plenty of highs such as the famous Cup giant-killing against Queen Vic FC, and Hoyland's record-equalling six goals against Wandsworth Town. Although there was a fair spattering of defeats through the winter, by the time led his charges to an impressive 3-0 win over SW6 in the last game of the season, he had double cause to celebrate. Logica had avoided a third consecutive relegation with a relatively comfortable 8th place finish, and more importantly for the Dundee gaffer, he had found a successor.