FOOTBALLING
CV

PERSONAL DETAILS

Date of Birth: Not supplied.
Religion: Cash.
Height: 6' 0".
Weight: Not supplied.

QUALIFICATIONS

Preferred Playing Position: Libero.
Playing Strengths: Reading of the game, tackling, organisational skills and (unlike Steven Gerrard) I have a great short passing game.
Playing Weaknesses: None really to speak of, but some churlish individuals may point to me being a couple of pounds overweight, and a couple of yards short of pace. But what do they know and how many feckin' trophies have they won anyway?

EXPERIENCE

Date Joined Logica: January 1984.
Logica FC Debut: Early 1984: In a friendly match at Kennington Astroturf at the same time as Kevin Spence. He scored two and I scored one, but mine was by far the best as I seem to remember.
Previous Teams: Imperial College, Cybury Gooners, Bailey Quiz Team.
Greatest Footballing Moment: Honestly - too many to detail in the short space provided, but I get a thrill every time I count the trophies I have won. Two of the best were beating Kenboro All Stars in a Cup Final where the winning penno was struck by legend Phran Ryder with his wrong foot after dropping his shorts (true story), and also finally beating Sarkpoint for the first time.
Worst Footballing Moment: Probably in the rain at Regents Park with seven players.

INTEREST

Model Pro (Models His Game on You): Tony Adams.
Favourite All-Time Player: Patrick Vieira
Pre-Match Superstition: Always fiddle with my balls just prior to kick-off.
Interesting Trivia: Was once handed a slice of melon by Ray Wilkins at an after match do at Craven Cottage that I gate crashed.

Editorial Note: Malcolm was Logica FC Supremo from 1984 until 1989.

REFERENCES

Supporting Material: Cast in Reservoir Lags Direction from Harry.H.Wombat Cabal Scoffer Retired Hurt Giving the Lesson Introduces Nominees for Player of the Millennium Nominated as Supremo of the Millennium

VITAL STATISTICS