Once more we must doff our flat cap in the direction of the eminent Logica Supremo, who has yet again excelled himself both in the murky world of Sunday morning football admininstration and in horo-gammy, the ancient Chinese art of foreseeing folding teams.

Before Christmas, one of the game's greatest modern thinkers had devised Operation Lie-In, an incredibly successful ploy that yielded a haul of six points and a run to the third round of the Big Ron Cup without actually having to get out of bed.

In 2007, with those dictatorial mandarins down at Sportmans League HQ actually forcing us to play some matches, things were beginning to get a little sticky down in the relegation mire, with the four teams below us starting to breath down our necks. But Groom has now been able to relieve the pressure, once again without necessitating us to get out from under our duvets.

The trap was set back in July last year at the chaotic lottery which is the fixture meeting. One of the skills here is to use those many year's of alehouse league experience to spot the team that will fold half way through the season, taking with them all those points their opponents have amassed against them as their record is expunged. The trick is to schedule your fixtures against this side at the back end of the season, so that no points are lost whilst those pointless early summer fixtures down at a sun-baked Riverside Lands simultaneously and blessedly disappear.

Well our gaffer's judgement has proved second-to-none yet again. Groom had backed Danes as the folding horse, and duly scheduled both Logica's matches against them at the arse end of April. Monday night's league meeting confirmed that, after a succession of conceded matches and administrative punishments, our Scandanavian friends have duly called it a day, and their record has been expunged. That means that any Division Two side who had gained points against the Danes have now lost them.

Whilst Groom's expertise ensures that Logica are unaffected, all those around us have suffered. Lansdown have lost a precious point gleaned from their impressive 3-3 draw with Danes back in November, whilst both Kew Green above us, and Welham Athletic below us, lose three free points ganied from recent match awards against the Danes.

Perhaps we should feel a little bit sorry for poor old Portman Arms, who picked up their first points of the season against the Danes with a 5-2 win back in January. They have now lost those three points, leaving them with just the three they got for beating Logica the following week. They look to be struggling again after conceding Sunday's match against Spectra. However, we assume the gaffer know's what he's doing here since Portman folding would not be in our interests - we would lose the points we did gain from beating the Arms 6-2 in October.

At the top, Varsovia and Fulham both lose six points after beating the Danes twice each, although the former's impeccable record in all other games means they stay top despite this. Fulham, though, drop to third even though they dished out another 6-1 drubbing to Kew Green, who continue to struggle. Remarkably, Sands End, who failed to impress greatly in our recent double header, are now in second spot thanks to having not played the Danes yet and a 4-2 win over Lansdown on Sunday. Of the top teams, Charing Cross will be most pleased to see their record against the Danes erased from the history books, having lost 4-2 and drawn 3-3 with them. But they still drop down to fifth after their match against Old Sergeant at the weekend was postponed in advance due to no pitches being available.

All of which re-calibration leaves Logica exactly where we were in ninth spot with ten points. The gap to those below us has increased slightly, and even though we wouldn't be surprised if the Supremo has another administrative trick up his sleeve, our next two matches are must-win affairs if we want to avoid any nervous end-of-season relegation nerves. This Sunday we face Lansdown whom we somehow managed to contrive a 2-1 defeat against back in September. We have something to prove, whilst our opponents have the worst defensive record in the league.

A fortnight later we entertain Welham Athletic at the Stade, in what will almost certainly be a double-header. Welham were pointless until a recent match award against the Danes, but followed that up with a 4-1 win over Portman, and on Sunday secured another point in a 3-3 draw against South West Alliance to move off the bottom of the table at last. They thus have almost identical form to Logica, and the six points at stake on 11th March will go a long way to securing the safety of the victorious team. Unless, of course, Welham fold in the meantime...

[See the Results Grid for the results of all Division Two teams this season.]

28 January: Division Two Results
Danes v Kew Green [Match awarded to Kew]
Fulham United 3-0 Spectra
Lansdown 1-2 Old Sergeant
Logica 2-2 South West Alliance
Portman Arms 1-3 Sands End
Sands End 2-1 Portman Arms
Varsovia 'A' 8-0 Welham Athletic

04 February: Division Two Results
Charing Cross 2-5 Spectra
Logica 0-6 Varsovia
Old Sergeant 3-2 Kew Green
Portman Arms 0-W Fulham United
South West Alliance 6-5 Lansdown
Welham Athletic 0-6 Sands End

11 February: Division Two Fixtures
Lansdown 2-5 Spectra
Logica 1-2 Sands End
Sands End 1-0 Logica
Welham Athletic 4-1 Portman Arms

18 February: Division Two Results
Charing Cross P-P Old Sergeant
Kew Green 1-6 Fulham United
Lansdown 2-4 Sands End
Portman Arms v Spectra [Match awarded to Spectra]
South West Alliance 3-3 Welham Athletic

25 February: Division Two Fixtures
Kew Green v Sands End
Logica v Lansdown
Portman Arms v Welham Athletic
Varsovia 'A' v Charing Cross

04 March: Division Two Fixtures
Charing Cross v Sands End
Old Sergeant v Welham Athletic
South West Alliance v Kew Green
Varsovia 'A' v Portman Arms

11 March: Division Two Fixtures
Fulham United v Kew Green
Logica v Welham Athletic
Portman Arms v Old Sergeant
South West Alliance v Varsovia 'A'

18 March: Division Two Fixtures
Charing Cross v Portman Arms
Lansdown v Fulham United
Logica v Spectra
Varsovia 'A' v Old Sergeant
Welham Athletic v Kew Green

25 March: Division Two Fixtures
Charing Cross v South West Alliance
Old Sergeant v Spectra