The foolhardiness of actually playing a game of football was underlined as Logica crashed out of the Big Ron Cup with a 4-1 defeat against First Division North Kensington Utd.

Having skilfully negotiated the first two Big Ron hurdles without having to venture onto the field of play, was suckered into competitive action by an overly enthusiastic referee and ambiguous climatic conditions. The torrents of overnight rain seemed certain to ensure the successful execution of Plan D as defined in the Operation Lie-In Handbook: "if the drawn opponents are not called 'Bye', are not currently suspended, and have the temerity to turn up on time, ensure a postponement by means of inclement weather until such time as they are unable to fulfil the fixture and you are awarded the tie".

The Logica players shuffled into the Riverside Stadium dressing room in dribs and drabs after a month of inactivity with no expectation of finally having to play a game. The ground was awash with puddles, and nobody bothered to get changed. Then our worst nightmare: the head of our old refereeing nemesis, Radius Reynolds, appeared around the door and told us it was "Game On". All other games had been postponed, but a couple of vital cup-ties including ours would go ahead despite the quagmiric conditions.

In truth, since even at the best of times the Riverside Lands playing surface resembles a cross between a ploughed field and a builder's yard, it was difficult for the bucketing rain to cause any further noticeable or significant deterioration. But what had seemed a meaningless glut of non-availability when postponement seemed a near certainty 24 hours earlier, suddenly posed a real threat to 's Double ambitions. Fortunately the mates' network was able to secure the last-minute signing of , whilst was finally located and dragged from some seedy all-night drinking den, remarkably with his boots in toe.

For a team unused to actually taking to the field, Logica started remarkably brightly against their hosts from the Division above. Some slick passing in difficult conditions repeatedly opened up a fragile Kensington back-line, and four excellent chances came and went in the first twenty minutes. In the very first minute, showed the greater determination to nick a loose ball away from the last defender, and then push it wide of the advancing keeper. But from an acute angle, his goal-bound effort was blocked by a sliding defender.

Some neat inter-play on the left soon sent clear in the inside-left channel, but again a difficult angle meant his shot could not beat the United keeper. More pressure found beating a couple of men before playing a neat one-two with just outside the box. Taking the return pass in his stride, the midfielder's poked shot unfortunately flew a foot the wrong side of the post.

But the best chance fell once more to the ageing striker. Anticipating a mistake in the treacherous conditions, was rewarded when a hopeful ball forward skidded under the last defenders boot. The Logica striker was onto it in a flash, taking just one touch forwards before sliding a low shot wide of the exposed Kensington keeper. Time seemed to stand still for an instant before the ball cannoned back off the post to be hacked clear.

In between all this promising attacking play, a skilful Kensington team had shown some flashes of their own. Indeed had already pulled off a couple of smart stops when he was called upon to make a quite breath-taking save. Quick movement of the ball exposed a statuesque Logica defence, and a goal seemed certain as United's unmarked right-winger was played in. But as the well-struck shot from ten yards headed for the top corner, somehow extended himself to flick the ball up and over the bar.

After all this, the opening goal was disappointing. A Kensington forward drifted almost unopposed down the left and past some ineffective challenges, before cutting in along the bye-line and firing the ball accurately just inside the far post [0-1]. Logica's early optimism was punctured, and the First Division side went for the jugular as they dominated the play and added two more goals before the break. Both were sloppy affairs from the Logica defensive perspective, the third indeed coming when a clearance struck arse and rebounded to an unmarked striker who gleefully accepted this early Christmas present [0-3].

endeavoured to seek redress with a typically rampaging charge from the back, but he was foiled by an advancing keeper and, worse, injured his foot in the challenge. It was fortunate that he recovered quickly, for had to leave at half time, and Logica were down to a bare eleven.

Logica's lack of match fitness was evident in the second half as the next half an hour was played almost exclusively in their half. It was only the combination of an Arsenalesque desire to score the most elaborate goal possible and some more brilliant keeping from that left the score unchanged. Logica struggled to string even a single pass together, and with such domination and a three-goal cushion, the Kensington players' frequent and nervous requests of the referee as to how much longer there was to go, seemed somewhat unnecessary. Perhaps Logica's early blitz had indeed made a strong impression?

It seemed Kensington fears might be realised when Logica pulled a goal back with virtually their first attack of the half. kept a cool head in a congested midfield to feed a ball into 's feet on half way. The striker saw bursting beyond him, and a quite unnecessarily elaborate back-heel sent the Logica defender clear. In no-nonsense fashion, simply stepped back inside the chasing defenders, and fired ruthlessly and perfectly just inside the far post from all of twenty yards [1-3].

But before Logica had a chance to exploit their hosts' paranoia, Kensington forced a corner which they played short. The cross into the box was well directed, and United's lanky midfielder managed to rise above (no mean feat) and loop a header over the despairing dive of [1-4].

There was just time for some entertaining hand-bags when went shoulder-to-shoulder with Kensington's prima-donna right-winger as they chased a ball into touch. The United man stumbled to the ground, and a melee soon formed in the finest traditions. Despite a succession of brilliant saves, had saved his quickest reactions for just such an eventuality, and from some fifty yards away he still managed to be first on the scene to deliver his considered opinion on the Kensington man's flounce using words of exactly four-letters.

It was a pity that Logica's forwards hadn't seized their early chances with the same aggressive conviction, or 's men might still have been in the draw for the quarter-finals of Big Ron.