It would be like Liverpool coming up against a side called Laughable Underachievers FC. Or Arsenal being drawn against the highly-touted French outfit named Primadonna Bouteillers FC in the Champions League. For Logica, their ironically titled opponents in this final fixture of 2003 revelled in the accusatory moniker of Rapid Decline FC.

Exactly one year ago, Logica's position was somewhat different. They remained unbeaten in Division Two and sat handily placed on the shoulders of the league leaders in optimistic anticipation of the final straight. During the enforced rest-period that came courtesy of ShabbyGate, the might have considered scouting missions to look at the First Division sides we'd likely be facing after our inevitable promotion. Then came a surprise fixture just before Christmas; the could only raise a scratch ten and Logica lost 4-0 at Mae D'Agua (now Bragança).

At the time it seemed like an unfortunate blip, and optimism remained high at the start of the new year. But 2003 has become somewhat of an Anus Horribilis, as what began as a disappointing second half to last season has cascaded into outright freefall this season with nine defeats out of nine, and a goal difference that Wolves would be ashamed of. The club's record for the calendar year of 2003 makes depressing reading: won 3, drawn 4, lost 16; with our last victory (indeed the last game in which we avoided defeat) coming as long ago as 16th March. The last twelve months have indeed seen a rapid decline in the fortunes of Logica Football Club.

And this last fixture of 2003 had much in common with that fortune-turning match of twelve months ago: the again struggled to raise a bare XI and as a result Logica were ultimately frustrated to lose to eminently beatable opponents. This time out, it was only the fact that managed to get back from Woking in record quick time (he had got on the wrong train at Waterloo), and that had finally turned his A-Z the right way up, that enabled Logica to kick-off with a hastily-assembled but full eleven.

Despite this, there was still no recognisable keeper as remained unavailable, with continuing to don the gloves despite conceding 17 goals in his last two games between the sticks. And the fact that the back four had completely changed from the previous fixture was also a fairly stark indication of the kind of selection headaches that is currently facing. At least was back from Sweden, has not thrown in the towel, and highly-promising newcomer is still coming back for more, this time slipping elegantly and impressively into the role of centre-half .

But the Football Gods, who enjoy nothing better than dishing out a good kicking when their man is down, cackled gleefully as a grinning and would-be Graham Poll was selected to officiate at this morning's match. Logica had seen enough of their opponents during a bright start on a sticky pitch to realise that a first victory of the season was not out of the question. But after just ten minutes, a quite appalling refereeing decision saw the visitors take the lead. A ball over the top found Rapid's stout centre-forward a conservative ten yards offside, but to Logica's shocked bewilderment, the whistle never came. The striker rounded a half-hearted challenge from before lashing home impressively from a very acute angle [0-1].

Logica quickly contrived to compound their own misfortune by gifting their opponents a very generous yuletide gift. fisted away a Decline corner only to see the ball lobbed back into the melting pot. had a free header but a dazzling sun blinded him at the critical moment and the ball lolloped backwards off his head to a Rapid forward just six yards out. His poked shot evaded and hit a post, but the ball bounced across the goal to be tapped home from a yard by a colleague as the Logica defence formed a collective statue [0-2].

If this was not bad enough, Logica soon found themselves the victims of Poll's poor eyesight once more, this time at the other end. collected a half-cleared corner and ghosted elegantly and easily past two challenges. As the keeper advanced, the unleashed a vicious and precise left-foot shot that beat him all ends up. The ball hit the inside of the left-hand post, ricocheted up onto the cross-bar and rebounded back invitingly along the goal-line. and formed an orderly queue to convert, and even though the former somehow mis-hit his tap-in almost sideways, the ball was still a good yard over the line when the recovering Rapid keeper clawed the ball back more in hope than conviction. Despite the Rapid players later confessing freely that this was a clear and fairly obvious goal, Graham Poll blithely waved play on. It was not going to be Logica's day.

Once more Logica contrived to pile mishap onto misfortune. A good move saw played clear, but with just the keeper to beat his fizzing shot again cannoned across goal after hitting the inside of the post. This time there was no Logica player on hand to convert.

Even when something did go right for the home side, the Poll-man had to be bludgeoned into giving Logica the decision. produced a characteristically defiant dribble that forced the last Rapid defender into a blatant trip. The Logica midfielder was knocked off his stride but endeavoured to keep his feet. The challenge was enough to lose the ball, but Poll declined to award a spot-kick. The muffed clearance saw react fastest and get a toe to the loose ball first. A split second later a defender's crunching challenge bought the Leeds man crashing to the ground. Even Poll was left with little choice, and it would really have been rude not to point to the spot.

had contrived to be on the sideline for each of the last five penalties awarded to Logica (3 scored, 2 missed) and was not about to let the small fact that he was playing in goal deny him this sixth opportunity. With a turn of pace not seen for many years, the old man had reached the other box almost before the whistle had left Poll's mouth. graciously handed the ball over, and reminded one and all of his sepia-tinted penalty prowess by planting the spot-kick unerringly in the top right-hand corner [1-2]. Logica were back in business.

Briefly. Just seconds before half-time undid all his good work by conceding a soft third. It was fair to say that the Rapid player had too easy a path cutting in from the right touchline, but a low shot from twenty yards should still not have troubled the scorers. Perhaps the goalkeeper's goal was still replaying in his mind, but 's angles were horrendously askew, and with a regal wave of the glove had suggested he thought the ball was going well wide, he turned aghast to see the ball roll straight into an unguarded net in comical Sunday morning fashion [1-3]

Even this suicidal buffoonery did not shake Logica's conviction that the game was still salvagable. They began the second period with fervour, and had soon fashioned two chances that should really have brought the scores level. First screwed a shot wide with just the keeper to beat, and then arrived with perfect timing in the box only to see his volley fly over the bar when a goal seemed certain.

Twice in quick succession Poll's incompetence worked in Logica's favour (and 's in particular). First the Logica defender quite blatantly intercepted a loose ball in the box with his hand, but had luckily chosen to position himself in yet another of the referee's blind-spots. Then a crude and calculating trip felled a Rapid forward clean through on goal, but the same culprit failed to see yellow, let alone red. This time, though, Logica were still punished when the free-kick was lashed home past a flailing [1-4]. With no substitutes to call on, played the only remaining card at his disposal. Sacrificially accepting the gloves, the brought out-field to see if the aging striker could change Logica's collective profligacy in front of goal.

He couldn't. The chances still came though. A stinging drive could only be parried, and from eight yards blazed high when a goal again seemed certain. From a centre, quickly fed down the right before racing into the box to get on the end of a high-hanging return cross from the midfielder. But the ex-keeper's header was weakly directed straight at the opposing number one, when perhaps he had time to bring the ball down and shoot.

In between times, the visitors took advantage of some increasing holes in a tiring Logica rear-guard to add three more goals. An incisive pass saw a Rapid forward fire low past an exposed [1-5], before Logica were once again playing musical statues as a corner was tamely nodded home on the goal-line 1-6. Finally another Rapid player found himself clean through on goal, and finished arrogantly with the deftest of chips 1-7.

There was still time for Logica to miss one last glaring chance before their time was up. dug the ball out from under his feet to feed the unmarked on the edge of the box, but the gloveless forward rolled his shot inches the wrong side of the far post with the keeper well-beaten.

And so it was that 2003 was brought thankfully to its painful conclusion. Logica have now conceded 45 goals in their last six matches, whilst only scoring 7 times in 9 matches themselves. It will take a gargantuan improvement in both performance and fortune if 2004 is to see an escape from what currently looks a cast-iron and humiliating relegation.