A CURRY REPRODUCED
6pm for 6.30pm
Aperatifs
Assemble at the Moon and Sixpence
public house in Wardour Street and
enjoy the entertaining banter of your
colleagues washed down with
some pre-match aperatifs.
Quick! Readie's at the bar! Order
a couple of pints from him and then
slope off for a shifty snifter in the
corner from the carefully concealed
bottle of Cobra on the left. As you
take a virtual swig, find out which
proper footie matches and goals
the mass readership of "If Selected..."
voted for as the best of the Millennium.
7.30pm for 8pm
Dinner Is Served
Delicate Indian dishes mingling with wines from
the four corners of the earth and beers from
the four continents, at the famous quality
eaterie that is The Raj Tandoori.
Take a seat in the virtual Indian eaterie,
and wait whilst all the tables in the entire
restaurant are rearranged for Logica's benefit.
Order your Onion Bhaji's and your Lobster
Vindaloo, before tucking into the mound of
poppadoms above whilst applauding as the
individual nominations made by
"If Selected..." voters for
very, very special awards are read out.
All Evening
Toasting
Toastmaster Mr Keith Sidaway (Legend)
will ask you at regular intervals during
the evening to take wine, spirits and
beer with those who have significantly
contributed to the well-being of the club.
As Mr Sidaway invites you to take drinks
with The Captain for reasons as varied as
having scored six goals in a single match
for Logica, to having scored on tour, quickly
replenish your supply of Cobra. Sup from the
fresh bottle on your right and sit nervously
waiting to find out whether Fleming's Votes For
Selections Scam worked, as Mr Sidaway announces
THE SUPREMO OF THE MILLENNIUM.
9.00pm
Giving and Receiving
As is traditional, everyone coming to the dinner
MUST bring a (daft) gift to swap with one
of his fellow revellers. The dafter the better!
As you exchange your fantastically expensive
gifts, and wonder at Groom's magnificent
dog-hair moustache, your Lobster Vindaloo
arrives. Without further ado, shovel in
spoonfuls of the steaming delicacy above,
and pay scant attention to Abbott as he
announces the scorer of the Logica FC
GOAL OF THE MILLENNIUM, as well as
the greatest Logica MATCH OF THE
MILLENNIUM as voted for by you.
9.15pm
Captain's Log
The Wise Supremo illustrates the season
so far in an illuminating speech that
rounds up this life we call Logica FC,
and looks forward to a new millennium.
As the ever patient staff of the esteemed Raj
Tandoori clear away virtually full plates of
Lobster Vindaloo, pilau rice and Sag Aloo, put
your hands together and be upstanding for your
venerable Supremo, Mr Scott Fleming. As
the wise one shuffles his papers and clears his
throat, order yourself another Cobra. Oh my word,
there it is already, just on your left there!
Take another swig, sit back and find out
just exactly what our leader thinks of us.
9.30pm
Millennial Survey
Mark Abbott announces the results of the most
wide-ranging Logica FC survey ever held. See how
your opinions fare with the majority, and find
out who is the PLAYER OF THE MILLENIUM.
As the waiters come round with those little
hand-held hoover things to clear up the mass
of tandoori detritus you have left behind on
the table-cloth, take a deep breath for the
moment of truth is nearly upon us. Suck
anticipatorially on one of the mints above,
for Abbott has already blathered through the
Millennial Survey, and now he hands over to the
original cultured libero, Mr Malcolm Dick, to
run through the runners and riders nominated
for the prestigious PLAYER OF THE MILLENNIUM
award, and open the mysterious golden envelope.
10.00pm
A Multimedia Presentation
"LOGICA FC THROUGH THE AGES"
For the first and only time, Wombat Productions
present their epic multimedia extravaganza and
inaugural masterpiece, set to stunning music. See if
you feature in the animated history of this great club!
Well, there's no more food now, so you better
order yourselves another beer. Go on, you deserve
it, and you'll have plenty of time whilst Sid tries
to remember in his Cobra-fuddled state just how to
work the projector! Yep, there's your beer on the
right, and Sid has just about managed to get a hazy
picture on the Raj wall ... err... a bit better, it's almost
there. There we go! Take a long swig and enjoy one final
time, Wombat Productions Multi-Media Extravaganza.
11pm to 1.00am
Intelligent Conversation
If you are still able to speak after that stunning
and highly entertaining montage, order yourself
another Cobra. If not, just point at your mate's
and gesticulate awkwardly at the waiter. That's
your lot now, so there's nothing left but to
entertain the table with some sophisticated
and Wildean repartee. Oh alright, just drink then.
1.00am
Carriages Home